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Nov
7
I Think He’s A Soldier
Filed Under Soldier, Tears of a Warrior, Veteran's Day | Comments Off on I Think He’s A Soldier
This is a guest post submitted by Ben Heath:
“The following is a general description of most soldiers I knew.”
It no longer fazes him to have a grisly old sergeant screaming in his ear, but his palms get sweaty and he can’t say a word when a pretty girl smiles at him.
Is he a man or a boy?
He will eat cold grub covered in dirt and sand and think nothing of it. Bring him a burger with onions he didn’t order, and he’ll pitch a fit.
Is he a man or a boy?
He will run in the rain and push his body until total collapse to carry his load, but if mom asks him take out the trash, he will roll his eyes like a complete brat.
Is he a man or a boy?
He will dive from a plane at eight hundred feet moving three hundred mile an hour without pause, but the site of a needle makes him go weak in the knees.
Is he a man or a boy?
He will attack and kill the enemy with a ferociousness his own mother wouldn’t recognize, yet the site of a suffering child will bring him to tears.
Is he a man or a boy?
He can wade through mangled bodies and untold carnage, but he can’t legally drink a beer to unwind.
Is he a man or a boy?
He’s seen more evil and suffering in a year than most will see in a lifetime, and his favorite reading material is still a comic book.
Is he a man or a boy?
He is selfish, sarcastic, and sometimes down right mean with his buddies, but he will give his life for them as a matter of pure reaction with no thought given.
Is he a man or a boy?
I THINK HE’S A SOLDIER.
Nov
1
Tribute To A Soldier
Filed Under Combat PTSD, Presidential Unit Award, PTSD, Tears of a Warrior, Tribute, Troops, Veterans, War, World War II | Comments Off on Tribute To A Soldier
by Deborah A Maffucci
This blog was sent via an e-mail letter last week. Deborah has kindly allowed us to share her comments with our readers.
Growing up, my knowledge of my dad’s war experience went no further than, “My dad was in WW II and I think he was stationed in England.”
On advice from my therapist, I decided to go to the attic and find my dad’s discharge papers. Oh my!!! After hours of online research (which is amazingly complete) for the first time I realized that my dad was right in the “thick of WWII”
He was 22 years old in 1942 when he joined the USAAF to fight in the European Theatre in WW II. He received four medals and a Presidential Unit Citation. He was at Normandy, the Battle of the Bulge and Rhineland. He was a Technical Sgt. in the 8th Air Force Fighter Command, 66th Fighter Wing, 339th Fighter Group, 504th Fighting Squadron. Oh my stars !!! He was a soldier.
I needed to read about what it is really like to be a soldier. I found your book, “Tears of a Warrior” at my local library and read it almost in one sitting. I couldn’t put it down. A whole world of understanding and compassion for my dad has been felt in my heart. A sense of awakening and belief that I will feel much more true joy and happiness and conquer my life long feelings of anxiety, fear and depression.
I realize now that I am trying to heal from the secondary PTSD that comes from living with a combat warrior and not knowing it. There was no time for my dad to heal because he died in 1969 from cancer. I realize my dad’s war experiences must have been the true source of our family struggle. It wasn’t because my dad didn’t love us, or because he would rather spend all his time at the firehouse, the VFW or the Elks Club, he was a warrior. I understand why he loved being a fireman, he was draw to the danger, why he abused alcohol, to block out his war memories, why he yelled so much, he was a sergeant. All my childhood memories make sense now. Your book has put my life story in prospective. Thank you for that long awaited insight. !!!
My dad was a combat warrior and I never knew it. I just want to give him the biggest hug right now and tell him how proud I am of him. From 1945 until Dec 7th 1969 when he died, he was fighting WWII in his mind and body.
You have truly helped me to understand what happened to my dad in the war and what he must have struggled with after the war. I hold him in a new and special place in my heart.
God bless you,
Debbie Maffucci
P.S. I borrowed your book from the Jesup Library in Bar Harbor, Maine. I believe it was only hours after you so graciously donated a copy to our town. I have recommended it to my counselor to use in her therapy work.
Oct
15
DOES ANYONE CARE?
Filed Under American Patriotism, Tears of a Warrior, Today's War, Trauma, Troops, Veterans, War | Comments Off on DOES ANYONE CARE?
by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D
It’s been on the news and in the papers – the latest studies about our military personnel serving in Iraq and Afghanistan.
The studies done by the Pew Research Center were based on two surveys between July and September (Denver Post, Oct. 6, 2011). One survey focused on military individuals who are currently on active duty along with those who have served but are no longer active. The second survey polled over 2000 adults who had never been in the military.
What disturbed me most however was not the report that many of our troops are either “ambivalent” or do not feel the current wars in Iraq and Afghanistan were “worth the sacrifices”. Nope, what was most unsettling for me was that adults polled who had never served in the military did not give much thought to those serving in combat. Many felt that those who volunteered to serve their country knew what they were getting into.
- 84 percent of these modern-era warriors say the general American public has little or no understanding of the problems they face, with 71 percent of the public agreeing.
- Many Americans agree that since the terror attacks in the U.S., the military and their families have made more sacrifices than the general public. But even among this group, only 26 percent say this gap is “unfair,” while 70 percent say that it’s “just part of being in the military”. (msnbc.com staff and news service reports updated 10/5/2011 5:50:40 AM ET 2011-10-05T09:50:40)
I guess this last research bullet just didn’t sit well with me. Probably because as a family we have lived the aftermath of combat, lived with the ghosts of the dead and dying, and had to cope with the nightmares, anxiety attacks, and flashback memories. It isn’t that any vet or his/her family wants empathy for his/her service, but to read that 70% believe that “it’s just part of being in the military” seems like a really insensitive statement.
I am not sure that any person, young or old, has a true idea of what war and combat is about. I am pretty sure, on the other hand, that none of them had any clue that what they do, see, and experience in hell will stay with them for a lifetime. That the war they fought on foreign soils will follow them home and into their living rooms, relationships, and careers. Few of them had any clue that these things were “just part of being in the military”.
Perhaps, since Vietnam, too many Americans have been too far removed from the sacrifices of war. During WWII everyone on the home front had to give up something for the war. Now, most give up nothing, while those few who serve give up far too much. The very least we at home can do is give two or three minutes each day to say a short prayer for those and their families who serve. Just remembering our military will certainly make us, not merely better people, but a more thoughtful, compassionate nation.
Oct
7
WARRIOR DEDICATION
Filed Under Brain Injury, Combat PTSD, PTSD treatment, TBI & PTSD, Tears of a Warrior | Comments Off on WARRIOR DEDICATION
by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D
Here is a question to think about…how many of you would take your entire retirement in one lump sum and then put it into a facility that would serve as a place of support, safety, and relaxation for our country’s vets?
This special place would require quite a bit of work. You would need to paint the walls, put in new furniture that would be comfortable and calming, and develop programs that would facilitate a wounded warrior’s emotional and physical well-being.
Such a facility would need quiet places where an individual could find the best environment to heal. For instance, one room would serve as a large conference room for presentations and discussions. Another would be a smaller area with a number of large reclining couches as well as chair recliners. My favorite happens to be a room with three oversized, state of the art massage recliners.
Each of the two “relaxation” rooms is equipped with head phones to listen to select music of choice under dim lighting. Small water fountains provide a sense of a quiet, flowing river. A large screen TV scrolls messages of hope and inspiration. Every detail was thoughtfully conceived to provide a special place of peace.
And here is the amazing thing, the person who has formed this sanctuary does not charge one cent for a veteran or family member. The Warrior Relaxation Response Center is located on the south side of Colorado Springs, CO, close to Fort Carson military base. It has been open barely a year. To continue to provide these services, the owner, Antoine Johnson, is desperately trying to obtain grants from various organizations as well as the army’s military base.
With a challenging economy, this will be no easy task. As Antoine tells it, “It is a true leap of faith”. He explains that he simply loves the military men and women who served our country. He and his wife spent many years in the army, fought in Desert Storm, and then became teachers. Working with traumatized children became his specialty. Many of the children came from military families torn apart by combat deployments, with parents returning with TBI and PTSD. Antoine saw a calling to help those returning from war to achieve a more stable and balanced life.
Last Thursday we were invited to visit the center and speak to some of the veterans and their families. Young and old were present, each with a story of trauma The flashbacks, the lack of understanding from family and friends who have not had to endure war, the numbing of the senses just to get through the day, and the sometimes overwhelming anxiety of not knowing when the next emotional attack will occur.
Throughout our country there will be an even greater need for more centers like the Warrior Relaxation Response Center A place where an individual can visit to simply be alone and find some solace. A place where he/she will not be judged, asked questions, or encouraged to just get on with living. Sometimes, as Antoine understands, a warrior simply needs a quiet space. Healing takes time, often a lifetime.
For those who want to contribute to support this mission or learn more about the facility please contact Antoine Johnson: http://www.warriorrrc.com
Sep
26
Honor Flight
Filed Under American Patriotism, Events, Healing, Honor Flight, Tears of a Warrior, War | Comments Off on Honor Flight
by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D
It is early morning Sunday, September 11, 2011 and still dark outside as veterans Earl and Tony Seahorn depart for their long awaited father & son trip to Washington D.C. Veterans from two different wars are about to embark on a patriotic journey of a lifetime. Earl, a WWII Navy veteran, participated in the historic “D-Day” operation at Normandy. Tony, a Vietnam veteran with a Purple Heart was going to be his “guardian” for the trip. Guardians pay their own way to support the WWII and Korean War Honor Flight participants. But when the selection committee discovered that Tony volunteered to support the Wyoming/Northern Colorado Flight, they chose to honor his military service as well. This was the first time Vietnam veterans who have a purple heart have been invited to join the Honor Flight attendees. The pair is one of the first father/son duos to participate together in the Honor Flight program.
Having so many veterans assembled together, so many experiences good and bad; so much sacrifice all in the name of liberty was humbling. Family members, friends, community groups gathered for the celebration and send off. Because this was the tenth anniversary of 9/11, a moment of silence occurred to mark the time the various planes hit the World Trade Towers, the Pentagon, and Flight 93 that crashed in what is now a sacred field in Shanksville, Pennsylvania.
In the silent room, one could not help but be aware of the high cost of what comes to pass when the United States becomes part of war. To make it even more profound, Sal Gunita, the recent Medal of Honor recipient, spoke to these past warriors and thanked them for their courage, service and sacrifice for our country.
Then the veterans were loaded on four buses for the trip to Denver International Airport where their charter plane was waiting. People lined the outside hotel’s corridor, waving flags and smiling. Horns honked, over one hundred Patriot Guard motorcycle members along with many police, fire department, and sheriff deputy personnel provided an escort. A red and white helicopter hovered over the scene just above a huge American flag fluttering its special salute. As the convoy traveled down the highway, groups gathered on bridges and along roadsides to acknowledge the day and the veteran’s service.
On this tenth anniversary of 9/11 four busloads of warriors began what may be for many one final expedition to visit memorials in our nation’s capital. Memorials dedicated to their service that will forever serve as a visual and silent reminder that Freedom is never Free. For many of these weathered warriors, tears remain in their hearts and souls. For others, they are finally liberated to weep quietly. This time, however, at least some of these tears are not from sorrow, but from gratitude and joy. It is for this reason, we are incredibly appreciative of the many volunteers, donations, and efforts of all those who have made such a huge difference to the many veterans participating in these special Flight of Honor.
http://www.honorflight.org/about/index.cfm
Sep
20
DOGS CAN’T PLUCK TEARS
Filed Under Dogs, Pets, Plucking Tears | Comments Off on DOGS CAN’T PLUCK TEARS
by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D
We have written several blogs on the significance of animals in bettering our lives and making our days easier to move through. But what happens when the guardian of our days is left behind? What happens when their beloved human is no longer around to protect, love, and be loved?
When Dog’s can’t “pluck tears” how do they grieve? How do they get over the loss of their best friend? Few of us consider how to support a trusted four-legged companion through the grieving process. Treats won’t take away the ache in the stomach. A walk may be distracting for a time, but it will never be the same without their best friend along. An animal, much like many of us humans, cannot understand or accept the finality of never being with, seeing, or being hugged and stroked by the one person who has been their mainstay for their years on earth. All our four-legged sentinels knows for sure is that special person is not around.
So they wait, and remain hopeful that someday that beloved master will once again appear. Such heartbreak can not be explained to those who are not animal lovers. Only a person who has been blessed to have shared time with a loyal companion will be able to comprehend the massiveness of the loss, the intensity of the sorrow, and the endlessness of the Hope that one day they will meet again to be together.
Today, I ask that you say a prayer of remembrance and peace for all of our animal family that have suffered such a profound loss. I believe somewhere beyond our sight and understanding we are all surrounded by angels of different breeds and types. They hear us, feel our sadness, and enfold us in wings of comfort.
Since we can’t “Pluck their Tears” perhaps we can at least offer a bit of comfort and extra love.
NOTE: Picture is of Jon Tumilson Navy Seal… Died August 6, 2011 and his dog… Labrador retriever “Hawkeye”
Sep
5
PLUCKING TEARS
Filed Under Family, Healing, Life, Peace, Plucking Tears, Tears of a Warrior | Comments Off on PLUCKING TEARS
by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D
Plucking Tears is not an easy thing to do, especially when the water works fall faster than you can pluck. Another problem to consider is how do you pluck tears when they are inside your heart and soul? These water drops are harder to access. Many times some do not even recognize they are weeping. The suffering is so silent, so hard to define that outsiders rarely, if ever, observe the sobs.
War is an extreme opportunity to frequently pluck tears. There are tears of grief, tears of sadness, tears of loss, tears of confusion, and the list could go on and on. As soon as you think you are done with the weeping, it returns for another round. It takes an emotionally powerful person to allow tears. Most of us are afraid if we start the crying we may not be able to stop. It is a frightening thought. Yet, whether we allow ourselves to cry openly on the outside, the sobbing will move through our spirits.
I once heard that some wars are GOOD wars. For me, there is no such thing as a good war. There may be “just” wars, but even then this does not make war good. All wars cause a great deal of woundedness. Woundedness for those fighting the battles, and woundedness for anyone close to the combat zone. Communities are devastated by the carnage left behind, families are torn apart, and individuals carry the scars forever. War gives a great many people frequent occasions to Pluck Tears. Wouldn’t it be great if we could get just a bit of peace from the plucking?
Aug
29
STRENGTHENING THE X FACTOR
Filed Under Family, Spouse, Tears of a Warrior | Comments Off on STRENGTHENING THE X FACTOR
by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D
Last week I was honored by being the keynote speaker for the Women’s Luncheon at the annual Nebraska Vietnam Veteran Reunion. It is an interesting phenomenon, keynotes after eating. Most sane societies have a meal then nap for a bit. Yet, in the western world we seem to think people really want and are capable of listening to anything after ingesting a yummy luncheon. Therefore, the challenge of any meal speaker is to entertain while keeping his/her audience awake; a rather formidable task. Added to this test was the seriousness of my topic… talking about the effects of living with a spouse who is suffering with Post Traumatic Stress. Yikes!
Truthfully, this was a wonderful and unique opportunity to be with a large group of women who have endured decades of family and personal events colored by their loved one’s emotional combat trauma. The last thing I wanted was to have people leave the luncheon with more stress and upset stomachs. All of us have had way too much of these frailties. Consequently, I thought the best speech needed to be short, informative, and delivered with humor and solemnity. So here are just a few of the items I believe may be useful to strengthen the next years of these amazing women’s lives.
When I talk about the “X” Factor, it refers to what makes women, women. It is not a coincidence that women have two legs on their chromosomes to stand on versus a man’s one – “Y”. God knew we would need both legs on the “X” to stabilize us on our unforeseeable, earthly journey. Being wives, mothers, sisters… makes us caregivers and caretakers. Trauma from combat both physical and emotional makes this even more evident. “Whether it is our own mothers who stood by us in long-distance torment as we fought on foreign soil, or the mothers of the dead and wounded here as well as in Iraq and Afghanistan, we recognize that most often, it is the women—- mothers/wives… who are left to care for the broken bodies, souls, and societies left in the wake of war.”
Understanding and identifying our own actions may help protect our sanity and bodily health. Here were a few of the behaviors I asked the women to recognize and acknowledge as they interact with their loved one. Think about which of these four DOINGs you use the most:
Doing To: Blaming and Fault Finding
Doing For: Rescuing, Pampering, Becoming like the Bad Behavior
Doing NIL (nothing): Ignoring, Avoiding, Excluding, Rejecting — fuels emotions of shame in the brain
Doing With: Connecting, Clarifying, Restoring
So which category do you fall in most often? Believe me, the first three are quite easy to live in… The Doing With is much trickier to accomplish especially when you are tired, angry, and dealing with your own pain. For this reason I have adopted a powerful quote from St. Francis de Sales. I carry it in my purse. I have it on my kitchen counter, and I pasted it on my bedroom mirror.
“I made a pact with my tongue to never speak when my heart is in distress.”
Some days I am almost mute trying to practice this suggestion.
Aug
22
HEALING REUNIONS
Filed Under Events, Healing, Life, PTSD, Tears of a Warrior | Comments Off on HEALING REUNIONS
by Tony & Janet Seahorn
The corn is high, tasseled and almost ready to cut. Traveling through Nebraska we pass miles and miles of these tall stalks waving in the wind and looking like a legion of green sentries welcoming visitors. For the second year in a row we are returning to the Nebraska Vietnam Veteran Annual Reunion as guest speakers. It is the twenty-seventh year the gathering has been held and the attendees grow each time. Every person is welcomed… veterans, spouses, family members, and friends. Besides Nebraska, they travel from South Dakota, Kansas, Wyoming, and Colorado.
These reunions are not just reminiscing about the vet’s combat experience. They are more on being with others who have traveled a familiar road, have endured a similar past, and have formed new friendships, gained new understandings of their war events, and lived a life of service to their families and communities. The days are filled with celebrations of being – being with old buddies and new friends, being with other spouses to laugh and cry, and being in their beloved state to appreciate that this land is exactly what they fought, died, and suffered for decades earlier. Since they had no parades or welcoming ceremonies when they returned from Vietnam, they created their own event commemorating their service.
Hanging around over four hundred veterans and their families, one observes and learns many lessons and here are just a few:
- 1. There really is healing in numbers.
- 2. One does not have to do the journey after combat alone. He/she has a huge posse to support the trip.
- If one person falls, there are many who care enough to pick him up, brush him off, and kick him in the butt to keep going.
- The pain and memories of combat may never go away but these memories/pain do not have to consume the entire life of the individual. Each person must make the choice to move forward in spite of their wounds.
- There is still joy in living each day.
- Laughter (and food) really is the best medicine.
- A good sense of humor gets you through a lot of grief.
And last, this special quote that we used during our workshop to support each vet and their family’s continued healing.
“The key thing to get inside the head of a PTSD suffering vet is this: If one of your buddies was lying wounded on the battlefield, you’d carry him to safety at all costs, right? Well this time, the vet wounded in his soul is the guy in the mirror, AND IT’S YOUR DUTY to carry this one more vet to help. He’s hurting because he’s a human that’s gone through an inhuman experience. Your buddies who didn’t make it back want one thing only – for one of you to make it, namely YOU. Your victory is saving that vet in the mirror, helping him forgive himself for being only human ( Roland Van Deusen).”
Aug
15
LUMPY GRAVY
Filed Under Life, Lumpy Gravy, Tears of a Warrior | Comments Off on LUMPY GRAVY
by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D
Have you ever thought about lumpy gravy? Surely you’ve seen it, maybe even had to eat some of it. Most of us prefer our gravy to be smooth and thick, rich with the juices of the meat. So what has Lumpy Gravy got to do with PTSD? Everything! It is a pretty accurate metaphor of life and living with PTSD both as the sufferer and those closest to the pot.
Last night I got to thinking a lot about “Lumpy Gravy”. It all came about as Tony and I were making a turkey dinner for a friend recovering from ankle surgery. We were taking dinner over to him when we came into the dangerous territory of the Lumpy Gravy fiend. I had asked Tony to make the gravy for the meal. Unbeknownst to me, Tony had a very specific way in which he insisted on making HIS gravy. This entailed carefully putting in a handful of flour into the left over juices and stirring it until it was brown with a smooth texture before adding the extra water or milk to the mixture. However, I made the dastardly mistake of having too much liquid in the mixture. The only way to thicken with flour was to put it in a small jar filled with a bit of water, shake rigorously, and then add this concoction to the turkey drippings. As you may have now guessed, this was not the prescribed procedure. Tony responded by dumping a scoop of flour directly into the hot turkey drippings. Walla, BIG, white lumps of flour now floated proudly on top of the mixture almost taunting him saying, “You really messed this one up mister”.
Not a big deal to the normal gravy maker. But to Tony this was not acceptable. Seeing those lumpy, white, floating sprites of flour on top of the gravy was another clever way of the PTSD troll to appear. The remainder of the evening was consumed with hashing over the problem of who, why, what, and how we now had to endure “Lumpy Gravy”.
It sounds ridiculous to most people, even a bit hilarious. Something you might view on a TV sitcom. Yet, spending the evening with the “Lumpy Gravy” demon was not entertaining or fun. It was another darn opportunity to practice patience and understanding, which can wear quite thin on some days. After settling my own temper and trying desperately to hold my tongue, which is not easy or consistently successful, I remembered what Dr. Haug, (Tony’s VA therapist) had explained to me. Tony’s behavior wasn’t about “Lumpy Gravy” at all. It was about the need to do things right, to be accurate, to be correct in the operating procedure. If one was careless and procedures weren’t followed, the operation could be in peril. As trivial as it may seem, “Lumpy Gravy” was a failure in procedure.
So what does “Lumpy Gravy” have to do with Life or PTSD? It is a metaphor of living. Enjoying smooth days that offer a richness of texture and seasoning without too many major LUMPS.
When lumps do appear in a vat of hot gravy it is nearly impossible to whisk them away no matter how vigorously we might attack the mixture. About the best we can do is to remove as many lumps as possible and hope that the gravy is still consumable. Most important is to learn the lesson of what created that “Lumpy Gravy” and try to prevent inviting the demon to dinner too often.
Next time, I am opting to buy my gravy mixture in a jar, already prepared so all that is needed is to heat it in the micro. Bon appetite you “Lumpy Gravy” demon.
