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Jul
26
THE RAINBOW CONNECTION
Filed Under Blessings, Coronavirus, Courage, COVID-19, Faith, Family, Grateful, Gratitude, Happiness, Healing, Hope, Peace, Tears, Tears of a Warrior, Tears of Joy, Veterans | Comments Off on THE RAINBOW CONNECTION
By Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D.
How many of you remember the song, Rainbow Connection, by my favorite green frog, Mr. Kermit? In a time of necessary isolation and separation we need to work hard to find ways to connect to each other. Kermit’s song, Rainbow Connection, got me thinking about my own Rainbow Connection. Covid19 has attacked almost every part of our daily existence… our relationships, our jobs, our food sources, our medical care, schools – and the list seems endless. Struggling to maintain any semblance of our pre-covid lives can be exhausting. Grasping to stay attached to our family, friends, coworkers, neighbors can be an emotional combat zone.
During a storm the clouds gather, the skies darken, and often times the winds howl horrifically. Eventually rain falls, sometimes lightly and sometimes with the force of pelting water bullets that turn into huge hailstones. Yet, after the storm – if we are lucky and continue to look beyond the gale an amazing rainbow appears. The fractions of light bounce off each raindrop reflecting astonishing and breathtaking colors as a promise of the possibility for new beginning and fresh new starts.
Our tears can be a bit like these raindrops, but the various colors may only be seen in our own minds and hearts. We experience the colors of grief, of fear, loneliness and anxiety. However, there are also colors of hopefulness, courage, joy, love and clearer skies in the future. What lessons are we learning about each other? Ourselves? Are we able to see ALL of the rainbow or only a small part?
The other day I came across a quote by Haruki Murakami,
“When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”
In the song, Kermit talks about being a Lover, a Dreamer, and Me… and the voices calling your name. Perhaps these new voices are what you hear after or even during the storm. Are you listening? There is magic in rainbows and we can, if we choose, linger under the glorious and colorful spell of its Vision. If we look for what may be on the other side, perhaps we can keep that Lover, that Dreamer in us and connect it to others. Perhaps we are that Rainbow Connection and we are a bit better after the storm than before we went into it.
May
11
TRAUMA AND GROWING BRAVE
Filed Under Coronavirus, Courage, COVID-19, Grateful, Gratitude, Happiness, Hospital, Tears, Tears of a Warrior | Comments Off on TRAUMA AND GROWING BRAVE
By Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D.
A few weeks ago I wrote a short article on “You Can’t Quarantine Joy”. Little did I know a few weeks later those words would need to not just be remembered but practiced. They would haunt and humble me. You see, I ended up back in the hospital after several ER visits. Luckily I only had pneumonia… Ha, Ha…. Only pneumonia and other “stuff” they couldn’t diagnosis. When first admitted I had to spend several hours on the coronavirus ward waiting for my tests results to show that I was safe to be transferred to a “normal” room. The doctors and nurses were in their protective gear. The room’s window had been sealed off with a special fan attached that allowed no outside pathogens to escape to the outside environment.
After being transferred to the “safer” ward, I had days to think about my situation and the state of the world. Watching TV was not an option. The news was too grim. My grandmother used to say “an idle mind is the devil’s workshop”. It isn’t – it’s more like Dante’s Inferno. The mind takes you to places you absolutely don’t want to visit. It took every ounce of my energy to try and keep a positive mindset, count my blessings and maintain some form of emotional stability as my body was far from feeling positive.
For those out there, both patient and supporters, here are some things to understand, to consider. First trauma does some interesting things to the mind and body. It changes you whether you want it to or not. Like a teapot that is designed to let off steam when the water in the pot becomes too hot – we are built in a similar way. When we get too overwhelmed we need time and space to let out some steam. We need space to scream, shout, cry uncontrollably. We need our own inner self to process what we’ve been through, to grieve our physical losses and our emotional sufferings. The energy it requires to constantly stay upbeat takes its toll and becomes crushing. We need moments to recognize and acknowledge that we’ve been through something horrible and we had to do it alone… in a lonely hospital room with no loved one by our side.
Therefore, wonderful and loving supporters don’t try to talk a suffering soul out of his/her trauma. It is their journey to process it, to deal with the grief and horror of it, to move forward. Please don’t say to the suffering “you’ve got to stay positive… you’ve got to count your blessings….” Do you think for a moment that we don’t know this, that we aren’t already doing this? Trust me, we would be happy to have amnesia, wave a magic wand and make all the crap disappear. Those words of support only make many of us feel guilty, weak, and ashamed to have these feelings. It’s absolutely exhausting to pretend we are great just because we survived. Give your loved one the gift of a few minutes each day to just BE. To understand and accept what we’ve been through. Many of us choose to do this in private, in the quiet of our own thoughts and hearts. What we need from you is trust. Trust we will get through what we need to get through. Trust that weeping and screaming are just a part of our wounded body and spirit’s healing process. Recognize that part of the trauma may always be a part of us, of our life experience. Trust we will be OK. You don’t have to talk us through anything. We just need you to be present, to listen, to hold our hand. Probst once said, “We do not receive wisdom, we discover wisdom within ourselves only after a journey that no one can take for us or with us.”
For all of us, remember we are stronger than we think. We grow braver through our challenges. We become more compassionate, more grateful, again, not because of what we may have lost but because of what we have endured and learned. It is good to be like that teapot, knowing we can let off steam when needed and the infusion of our tea tears become sweeter, more poignant.
And through our trauma, we do grow braver.
Thank you to all of our first responders, medical personnel, people keeping our grocery stores open and many others. There aren’t enough words to express the difference you are making every day.
May
6
FACTS NOT FEAR
Filed Under Coronavirus, COVID-19, Gratitude, Healing, Tears of a Warrior | Comments Off on FACTS NOT FEAR
By Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D.
By now everyone reading this blog has heard of Coronavirus or COVID-19. We have seen a huge amount of information that has bombarded our airways, newspapers, businesses, and neighborhoods over the last months. Listening to the news, hearing the concern in many people’s voices led me to address this situation in our blog. Therefore, it is incredibly important to be cautious in determining FACT vs. FEAR.
The only measure that I use to determine the difference is to read, listen and see the information in several different sources… not just relying on the newspaper, the television, even the government or doctors. If varied sources report the information in a clear and decisive way and I can collaborate the evidence through multiple sources then that data can go into my FACT jar. Some information is so slanted or aligned with radical conspiracy theory, I know it isn’t accurate or is being used to promote a personal agenda.
This is definitely not a time for blame. Things happen in life that are unpredictable and scary and certainly blame does not solve the problem. Blame only keeps us from addressing reality and the root cause of the problem. Because the COVID-19 is new, we don’t have enough solid knowledge about what it is, how it is transmitted, how long it will last or how it can be successfully treated. As a researcher, the only way we will get this information is through time, watching, listening, making comparisons with various groups, countries, and medical personnel to determine how best to combat this illness. As humans we don’t like NOT KNOWING everything about what is dangerous. We often make things up just so we feel comfortable or empowered. Not a good strategy at all.
In early January I became very ill due to a severe reaction to an infusion I was being administered for pain. It literally tanked my immune system. I have had a sore throat and laryngitis for over seven weeks (think my husband and dogs are using this as an excuse for not “hearing” me). I have had more doctor appointments than I want to count including a stay in the hospital and ICU because I became dehydrated and my blood pressure became dangerously low. I am definitely in that “high risk” group due to having a very low immune system. Even with this risk I am not panicked. I have a healthy concern to be aware of when and where I go every day, but I refuse to not see each day as a gift to enjoy and use.
On my computer I have had two sayings for the last many years:
“I don’t want to not live in fear of what could happen.” Laird Hamilton
FEAR – False Expectations Appearing Real… Meet fear with love and trust and it will disappear. Old Crone Cards
It is important to remember this illness is not an American, Chinese, Italian or other country’s problem, it is a world problem. When we work together, when we show kindness and compassion to others, when we do whatever we can to support our neighbors and community, then and only then will we be able to move forward with confidence and courage to get through this period of unrest and anxiety.
Stay healthy, both physically and emotionally.
Mar
31
YOU CAN’T QUARANTINE JOY
Filed Under Coronavirus, COVID-19, Grace, Grateful, Gratitude, Happiness, Healing, Hope, Joy Challenge, Love, Tears, Tears of a Warrior, Tears of Joy | Comments Off on YOU CAN’T QUARANTINE JOY
By Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D.
Several days ago, while watching the endless news about coronavirus I heard a newscaster say something that has stuck with me, “You can’t quarantine tears”. As I thought about this, even when trying to go to sleep and find some semblance of rest during these challenging times, the words kept playing over and over again in my head, “You can’t quarantine tears”. He was absolutely right, you can’t. We can’t quarantine suffering either. Never have and probably never will. We can’t quarantine fear. Fear mainly of the unknown which is far greater than fear of the known. Fear of the known we can see more clearly, put boundaries around, perhaps contain to some degree. But fear of the unknown has an unlimited projectile. It can go on in endless ways and directions. Places that only our unlimited imagination can invent or conceive.
However, the more I thought about these words I realized if we can’t quarantine any of these frightening things, than certainly we can’t quarantine some of the more positive behaviors as well. We can’t quarantine hope. We can’t quarantine kindness. We can’t quarantine love. We can’t quarantine courage. And, just as important, we can’t quarantine joy. So often, we say to ourselves once this virus situation is over, I can go back to being happy, to being joyful. Yet, that is not how the world works. We must choose these behaviors just as we must choose to contain the scary ones. Practicing joy is an exercise in gratitude. Waking up each morning and seeing a beautiful sunrise. Being greeted by two overjoyed, four-legged children whose exuberance in seeing you almost drops you to the ground by their seventy pounds of pure energy. They emulate joyfulness at its fullest. Getting a phone call or text from a family member or friend to remind us that someone is thinking about us each day is joy. Seeing the first signs of spring – green sprouts of grass, daffodils, budding trees, these are all signs of hope, of new beginnings, of joy.
Just as it is true that we can’t quarantine all the horrible things that occur some days, we can’t quarantine the good either. Yet, quarantining the good, the joy, the hope, the kindness… these take more effort and conscious thought. And just as there was a beginning of this coronavirus, there will eventually be an end. There will be a new beginning where people can gather without fear. Where families and love ones can hug each other with even more joy and gratitude than ever before because we now don’t take for granted what was given to us each and every day. This new beginning will offer us greater gratitude in our work, whatever it is, in being able to doing something, anything other than sitting at home, sometimes alone and scared. This new beginning will show us how much we took for granted in the past without ever noticing the gifts right in front of us. As we go forward each day, remember not what we have lost – at least for the time being – but what we have always had and hopefully will have again. Remember to practice hope, kindness, courage, love, and compassion. And, remember, if we choose, we can’t quarantine any of these behaviors and we WON’T quarantine JOY.
