BOOK PURCHASE: Discount (above) or PayPal (below)
Click "Buy Now" to continue to PayPal
Click to order eBook - Kindle
Click to order eBook - Nook
Jun
30
“Remember Me”
Filed Under American Patriotism, Family, Fourth of July, Tears of a Warrior, Troops, Veterans, War | Comments Off on “Remember Me”
Jun
25
GOOD GRIEF
Filed Under Combat PTSD, Good Grief, Life, PTSD, Tears of a Warrior, Trauma, Veterans, War | Comments Off on GOOD GRIEF
by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D
Good Grief – sounds like words Charlie Brown would proclaim when something illogical occurred. When you think about it, he was not that off base using this phrase, Good Grief, because grief, at least the first phase of mourning, is anything but logical. Experiencing grief is not a rational process. It is gut wrenching and emotionally challenging. Grief by its very definition: “deep sadness or mental distress caused by loss, remorse, or bereavement” (Webster’s Dictionary) leaves the sufferer questioning if he/she will or can survive the agony.
Too many of our military men and women have had to bear the loss of friends. Yet, due to circumstances of the battlefield, they cannot take the time, energy, or effort to fully move through the grieving process. Each individual must be able to carry on without the luxury of grieving. In war, there is always another job to do, a new battle to wage, and perhaps even further loss. Add PTSD to the grief process, and the mountain to healing becomes even steeper to climb.
It is little wonder that our young and old warriors return from combat with unresolved issues. Many of these problems center around the grief process or more accurately, lack of resolving the immense weight of unsettled pain. If we were to look at the grief process described by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ five stages – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance – it is pretty easy to identify where & why many can get permanently stuck in one phase or another. To complicate matters, real grief processing requires going in and out of the various stages for a long period, often times skipping phases only to be plunged back to that pit at a moments notice.
Families of vets often state that their loved one is in denial; denial that they are suffering, denial that there is anything wrong with them, and denial that they can handle the situation without help. Then there is anger; anger at the government who sent them to fight, anger at the enemy, anger at a civilian society that has no clue of what they went through, and most devastating is anger at themselves for not being strong enough to overcome the trauma of combat. As far as bargaining, most warriors don’t seem to bargain for much of anything except for a break to live without all of the emotional baggage.
What we see a great deal of, when and if a veteran reaches this next phase is depression. This is the phase that may be the most difficult to get through and endure without resorting to self medication. For many the moments between denial, anger, and depression can be small; often they are mixed together in a whirling mass of chaos. Achieving acceptance is seldom a permanent stage, a stage which many of our wounded warriors never attain even for brief moments.
Dealing with Post Traumatic Stress is dealing with grief. It is not easy; it is not quick; it definitely is not logical; and it is not a journey that any one of us should have to go through alone. Is there such a thing as Good Grief? Truthfully, I am not sure any grief is good, but I have witnessed and have personally gone through mourning that is doable. To be perfectly honest, I am not sure grief made me stronger, but it certainly made me more compassionate and gave me a deeper appreciation of each ordinary day where I can breathe freely without feeling my heart breaking.
And that in and of itself is pretty darn GOOD.
Jun
17
LIVING STORIES
Filed Under Combat PTSD, Life, PTSD, Tears of a Warrior, Trauma, Treating PTSD, Veterans, War | Comments Off on LIVING STORIES
It came in the mail, a book from a professor at Eastern Kentucky University, The Journal of Military Experience. Most publications I get from universities are on topics that deal with academia, you know – ways to teach literacy, how the brain works, and other research topics. This book was different. It wasn’t written by a bunch of stuffy professors based on their special investigative studies. Nope, this book was written by a group of young veterans who had served overseas and were trying to reintegrate into civilian and academic life. Needless to say, many of the stories and poems were composed with emotions that were still raw from combat.
The authors were students in Professor Travis Martin’s writing class. The purpose of his unique course was to help with the initial assimilation phase of university life. “Some of the authors write about the unspeakable things that they have been asked to do, or more accurately, that have been done to them. But some focus solely on that work of translation, making sense of a warrior culture and the mentality of an individual who has been bred, trained, and conditioned by a society in desperate need of a few willing to sacrifice for the many (Introduction).”
The theme in many pieces confirmed how challenging returning from war was for these young warriors. They wrote about who they were before combat and how they had changed from the experience. How seeing friends die before their eyes, how being shot at on a regular basis, how tough it was to determine who would live or perish depending on their interpretation of an approaching car or a family on the side of the road, how these battle experiences made their time during and after conflict more demanding. One marine described “every day someone else would die or get seriously injured. One of my friends lost his legs from a roadside bomb right outside our front gate at 0200 in the morning (Guy Robert Lubin, p. 6-7)”.
Yet, in spite of all of the horror, all the wounds both physical and emotional, not one individual regretted serving his country. Not one person wished he/she did not complete a tour of duty overseas. What some did question, though, was when or if they would ever be free from the fiends of warfare. One author acknowledged “you truly stop caring. You don’t want to shoot, but you will. You won’t think about it, until you get home that is (Bradley Johnson, p. 53)”. He continued, “While you fight and suffer and struggle, you are also changing, becoming someone totally different. The harsh and violent realities of war forces you to change. Emotions are an inconvenience — they distract you — making you feel and think instead of react. A distracted soldier is a dead soldier. My evolution was a great thing on the battlefield, but it is just as much a bad thing when you get home (p. 53)”.
In this book, there are profound words and stories from those few who have given so much for freedom in our country and lands far away. They are “living stories” from real warriors. They ask nothing but a smidgen of understanding and a bit of healing when they return. For every vet past, present or future let us value the sacrifice and honor the service never failing to remember how all gave some, while some gave all.
Jun
13
WHAT YOU DON’T TALK ABOUT
Filed Under Combat PTSD, PTSD, Tears of a Warrior, Trauma, Treating PTSD, Veterans, War | Comments Off on WHAT YOU DON’T TALK ABOUT
by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D
It was something I was not going to do – view the HBO special War Torn.
I tried watching it almost two months ago but didn’t last ten minutes before I had to turn off the DVD. It had too many reminders of suffering associated with the aftermath of combat. Yet, last night I decided to see what it had to say about PTSD, since this has been our mission for the last twelve years – including research & writing.
Throughout the movie there seemed to be a very powerful, recurring theme, a theme of silence. Silence made the veteran a prisoner of his/her own memories. It did not matter what branch of the military a person served – Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force, National Guard…
The role one played during combat was quite expansive, overwhelming individuals who served in all facets of war. From the front lines of combat, to medics, nurses, body baggers, and any person who had participated in the tensions of war. What was similar, however, was the manner in which the experiences were seared on the mind, body, and spirit. This mark of trauma often left the individual with a sense of hopelessness, apprehension, torment, and sometimes shame.
Then, to add insult to injury, when the vet came home… home to a place that he/she would feel safe and normal, returning to civilian life sometimes added greater stress. Many family members and friends simply wanted the vet to be like he was before he left for war. Become normal again.
Perhaps these words might offer some understanding of what isn’t talked about and isn’t said when a war veteran returns home.
THINGS YOU DON‘T TALK ABOUT
By Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D.
What don’t you talk about,
You survivors of war?
You, who are suppose to be brave,
To be fearless and bold.
You, who have witnessed the best of mankind,
And the worst.
You, who daily endured death;
Who lived with the unknown
The woundedness of others
And the scars within yourself.
What don’t you talk about,
You warriors of battles recent and old?
The panic attacks that grip your throat,
The night sweats from vivid dreams;
Anxieties that propel you to a universe
That seems out of control.
Anger unprovoked and dangerously destructive.
The self-medication… attempts to silence
The voices and erase the gory scenes.
What don’t you talk about
You, who cry with Silent Screams?
You, who cannot seem to find your words,
For words are too simple, too clean
To describe your distress
To others who have no concept of war.
For what you don’t talk about
Your brother and sister warriors understand.
They have been to that place of darkness.
They know – and in that knowing
They are there to walk beside you
If only in spirit.
Perhaps these fellow casualties
Make talk a bit less necessary.
Jun
6
I AM
Filed Under Civilian life, Combat PTSD, Life, Love, Peace, PTSD, Tears of a Warrior, Treating PTSD, Veterans | Comments Off on I AM
by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D
For many of our military men and women who return from combat there is a burning question; a question that asks, “Who am I?” Who am I now that I have seen so much, done so much, and heard the despair of so many? For some there may be a feeling of unworthiness, a gnawing numbness of pain. They seek answers that seem to elude them; answers hidden somewhere between the battle fields and the present.
Every person wants to be validated in the world: to be seen, to be heard, to be felt. Returning from war often leaves a person with a sense of invisibility. A feeling that adds to the question, Who am I … this other person who wanders a world that once was so familiar now feels like a drifter in a land that may not seem recognizable.
Know this one simple truth, You are worthy of love. You are worthy of goodness. You are worthy of a life of joy and personal fulfillment. The trick is not that others view you as worthy. You must believe this for yourself. “You are responsible for your life”. And only You can create and live such a life. You alone must believe that you are worthy to live a good life and a life of meaning.
Combat can take one’s sense of self, but it does not take away one’s need to be a part of something, some mission, some worthy cause. The heartbreaking reality for many veterans is returning from battle with a frame of mind of being untrained to live in civilian society. You will need to work hard to find your path in this world after combat. No one can do this for you. It is a journey each individual will need to travel and seek out.
Some doubt they are up to the challenge. This is purely self deception. If you could be trained to perform all of the incredible feats of a skilled warrior, you certainly have the strength, intelligence and willpower to succeed in becoming your very best “I AM”. The gift has always been yours. It was bestowed on you at birth. The outside world may work hard to convince you otherwise. Some days it may be tempting to give up the search. But carry on. In your hands lies the power to choose.
Choose to accept your very best I AM.