Nov

9

THERE WILL ALWAYS BE

Filed Under Family, Peace, Tears of a Warrior, Trauma, Wisdom | Comments Off on THERE WILL ALWAYS BE

by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D

helping-hand-2

 

            It is hard to believe that another holiday season is upon us, beginning with Thanksgiving and ending with the celebration of a New Year. With this period comes the challenge of facing the days with too much to do or too much idle time, too many people to be around or too much loneliness, and the memories of past holidays spent in combat or loss. For some, these are anniversaries of death and destruction. They may not bring joy and goodwill, but sadness and loss.

 

            So, I write today’s blog to remind myself and perhaps others confronted by the days ahead to not be afraid of the darkness. It is not about getting rid of the shadows but getting beyond them.  Stepping into sunlight, even a small glint is enough to dispel some of our gloom. As human beings we were not meant to stay in sadness but to shine, in spite of our troubles and hurts.  Hard to believe, but nonetheless true.

 

            The only way I can ever get beyond the shadows is to look up; to search for the pure, the just, and the beautiful. To focus on what can be if I keep moving forward. I do not have to center my thoughts only on what has been lost, but what is waiting to be gained if only I believe. Believe in the goodness of others; they abundantly surround us waiting to enter our life. Believe in a more loving world even when the media fill the airways with ugliness. Believe that as we search for the decent we find it in the softness of a breeze, the melody of a song, or the laughter of a child.

 

            A few months ago my sister gave me a CD by the Canadian Tenors.  On the album is a lovely song with a chorus all of us can use at sometime in our lives:

 

There will always be a shining star;

There will always be the rising of the sea;

There will always be an angel watching over me…

And angels voices say to us, these things will never die.

 

 

            Choose to believe the skies are filled with shining stars even if clouds conceal them.  The seas and oceans rise and fall with the changing tides. Most comforting of all is choosing to believe that there will always be angels watching over us… and these things will never die. So if you wander into that dark place, remind yourself of those angels, the thousands of shining stars, and perhaps you will be the tender hand reaching out to hold another being in need of your light.

Apr

1

Hippity, Hoppity and Snotty Vets

Filed Under Combat PTSD, Easter, Events, PTSD, Tears of a Warrior | Comments Off on Hippity, Hoppity and Snotty Vets

-by Janet J. Seahorn

 rabbit-combat1

            Gosh, can you believe it is Easter/Passover and once again families gather to celebrate the spirit of the season. Many will also hunt Easter eggs, gorge on chocolate bunnies, and enjoy family dinner and getting together.  This is a time to rejoice, but can also be a time of turmoil. There is ample opportunity for our Snotty Vets to practice breathing, self-control, and “looking” cheerful – even if it’s only a facade.  Today I woke with the children’s rhyme of “Here Comes Peter Cotton Tale”, but instead of the regular words this is what came to mind:

Here comes Peter Cotton Tail

Hopping down the combat trail,

Hippity, Hoppity, Demons on the way. 

            Yikes!  How weird is that!  Yet, the reality is many people who have suffered severe trauma find holidays incredibly challenging.  When everyone around appears to be laughing, enjoying company, having a great time, for some with experiences of trauma, all this joy may simply exacerbate the feeling of depression and isolation.  You desperately want to join in the festivities and you desperately want to feel normal.  So the downward spiral continues.

            Last blog I wrote about Snotty Fish and Snotty Vets.  In reflection I remembered past family gatherings where my Snotty Vet tried anxiously to fit into the interactions.  He participated gallantly until it got to be too much, which is when the teapot began to spout.  Too much steam building in a confined container and something has to give.   If only we had known about PTSD, its effects and ways of coping, family gatherings could have been much saner and safer for everyone.

            Therefore, here are a few suggestions that have worked for us.  We discovered these over many years of observing roller-coaster emotions.

  1. Don’t try and force your Snotty Vet to participate more than he/she is able. 
  2. Allow them to swim in whatever pond helps them to feel safe and calm. 
  3. Plan the loud festivities that can be annoying for many – not just Snotty Vets – to be in places that are outside or in very large surroundings.  By being smart, it reduces the tension and permits everyone a chance to find areas that aren’t so irritating. 
  4. Be thoughtful about the length of time anyone has to spend taking part in the activities.
  5. Be sure to find a good balance in how you celebrate. Be reflective and enjoy some quiet time as well.

Oh, and be sure to have a Happy Easter/Passover.  Celebrations are still important to cherish.  They can be the occasions that help us bond more tightly and even heal a bit.

And be sure to be kind to bunnies that wear combat boots.

Mar

24

SNOTTY FISH AND PTSD

Filed Under Life, Love, PTSD, Trauma, War | Comments Off on SNOTTY FISH AND PTSD

by Janet J. Seahorn

 

snotty-fishThis weekend I heard an experienced angler talk about the joys of being in a stream or lake fishing for Snotty Fish.  Snotty Fish, he thoughtfully explained, were those fish that were not easy to catch.  They were fish that could not be tricked by some ordinary fly or enticing lure. More than likely, such fish had, in some earlier time, been caught before and managed to escape through sheer luck, tenacity, or down right determination. After going through such a traumatic encounter, they were more cautious than most of their finned friends. They understood the consequences of impulsively taking the enticing lure.  Therefore, the fisherman who caught (and released) such a Snotty Fish had to be incredibly patient, knowledgeable, and persistent.  This particular angler made it clear that catching Snotty Fish was the best and most rewarding way to angle.

 

Listening to this person talk, I began to comparing how similar Snotty Fish were to veterans who are living with Post-Traumatic Stress.  Many of our troops have experienced the traumas of combat.  Men and women who have seen and participated in some of humanities worst deeds; deeds that stay etched on the mind and heart.  Vets, who when they return to the mainstreams of society, may be unable to trust others, their governments, and even themselves.  Yep, Snotty Vets! 

 

Snotty Vets, like Snotty Fish, are often hard to play out. They have experienced lessons in life that few of their fellow countrymen have ever imagined. Such knowledge often makes them wary of their surroundings, including trusting in their own abilities and worthiness.  For family and friends, this knowledge can make these Snotty Vets difficult to live with and understand. 

 

Yet, here is the beauty of being in streams with Snotty Vets—they are worth the time and effort to catch and reel back to wellbeing.  Health care professionals recognize this fact.  Families, friends and communities who walk the path through appropriate support, timely information and love come to empathize with the journey and value the internal strength, courage, and effort that each of them must live out in order to heal. 

 

So you see, Snotty Vets like Snotty Fish are well worth such effort. Simply swimming in their waters help us have greater gratitude for their sacrifice. 

 

Here’s a toast to all of you Snotty Vets, and to all the spouses, children, and siblings of Snotty Vets:  “May your new streams be filled with an abundance of peace, joy, and good vigor. May your days bring you fulfillment, and your nights quiet rest.  And may you continue to embrace your Snotty strength and leave behind the sorrows of the battlefield.  For you are our precious Snotty Vets.  We love you.  We honor you.  And, most of all, we need you to become whole again.”

Mar

9

Don’t Quit

Filed Under Life, Peace, PTSD, Trauma, War | Comments Off on Don’t Quit

5bcby Janet J. Seahorn

Some days life is a real challenge.  It tests us in many ways.  Ways to be smarter.  Ways to be braver.  Ways to be more thoughtful.  Ways to be kinder and more compassionate.  And some days, ways to just keep getting up every morning, breathing through each minute and making it through some dark and lonely nights.  Living with Post-Traumatic Stress compounds all of these “tests”.  At times it may even seem that the journey is too long or too brutal; that the suffering is unending and the battle unachievable.  It is during such times that we must remember we are not alone in our ordeals.  Reminding that someone, something (for me it is my faith) is walking beside us telling us quietly that we will be OK.  Urging us, “Don’t Quit”.  We do not know what tomorrow may bring.  But if we Don’t Quit, I do believe in the appearance of a brighter, happier day.  Believe you have what it takes to pass any test.  And whatever comes your way —Don’t Quit!

Don’t Quit

Anonymous

 
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.Life is queer with its twists and its turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When they might have won, had they stuck it out.
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor’s cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit,
It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit!

 

Feb

11

Love Heals

Filed Under Love, Trauma, War | Comments Off on Love Heals

    love-war1 

    

 

 

by Janet J. Seahorn

This week is the week of the Heart.  Yep, lots of hearts in the multiple shapes and shades of Valentine cards.  This is the week — some focus only on one day — to call forth the power of Love.  Sounds, corny, but it is true.  Love heals.

One only needs to watch a small child with a skinned knee crying for comfort.  Mom enfolds the tiny tot in her arms, puts a band aid on the boo boo, kisses it gently, and soothingly says to her child, “See all better”.  And the child believes.  Wow!  If the emotional counselors are correct, what we focus on we get.  Perhaps we should try to focus on Love, even for a day.  Test the statement, “Love Heals”.

Love Heals acts of war…

Guns, bombs, and torture certainly don’t.

Love Heals violent acts of countless forms.

I may never forget a terrible act, but maybe I can get to a bit of forgiveness.

Love Heals our physical and emotional pain.

Ask a pet owner of the power of his precious companion.

 Love heals our fears.

“Worry is simply the habit of focusing on what we don’t want.”  (January 22, 2010, Daily Word)

Through the strength of the Heart, Love Heals.  And like that small child, I choose to believe.

Jan

28

Tears of the Children

Filed Under Trauma | Comments Off on Tears of the Children

APTOPIX Haiti Hidden Hunger

 

 

 

 

 

 

by Janet J. Seahorn

Normally our blog focuses on the effects of combat trauma to military personnel, their families, friends, and communities.  Today is moving to the broader devastation of trauma.  Trauma not caused by war and hate, but by nature.  Trauma, that even with the greatest technological advances of man, cannot be halted or many times even predicted beforehand.  Such is the current state of Haiti. 

For me the effects of war trauma on children may be even worse, because it is not due to outside forces of nature, but hate, greed, or lack of compassion for others.  Hate which is colored by the darkness of men’s hearts and even nation’s souls.  Unlike nature, the torture and killings go on for years, with little hope of relief. 

In Haiti, however, what we continue to see are a people doing what they can to help their neighbors and communities.  Yes, there is looting and even violence.  Desperate people act in desperate ways when one’s life, and the lives of one’s families are at stake.  Fighting for the every day things most of us take for granted: water, food, a safe place to sleep, medical care… and the list grows.

When looking at the photos of children, I can’t help but wonder what are they able to understand about this terrible event?  How can they make sense of horror?  In a country where hundreds of thousands of children were abandoned before the earthquake, who will take care of these babies and children now?   Who will hold and comfort them?  Who will help to explain the experience and give them the physical and emotional support to heal?

What we currently know about childhood trauma is that it can be more difficult to heal. The brain has not connected the higher order neural networks that help adults sort out the facts of any event.  Adults have far more coping skills. Children, have far fewer in their young minds.  They have not lived long enough or had enough experiences to compare or sort out the hues of trauma.  Their world is very concrete – what one sees is what one understands at a very concrete level. 

We used to believe if a terrible act happened early in life, the person could more easily mend.  Current neuroscience has proven this belief is a highly inaccurate myth.  The earlier the trauma on a young brain, the worse the effects can be if the child is not given the physical and emotionally support needed for healing.  Healing that will allowed the child to grow in a world where he/she can still feel safe. Healing that offers hope and resilience from future traumas because they were loved, comforted, and supported when they so desperately need these acts of security.

Therefore, keep all of our children in your hearts and prayers, whether they are in Haiti, Afghanistan, or your own neighborhood.  Pray for the mending of our children’s bodies, minds, and hearts.  They are the world’s future.  We must do all that is necessary to try to ensure that their future is built on a foundation of compassion, kindness, and humanity.

Sep

29

Weeping

Filed Under Life, Music, PTSD, Trauma | 1 Comment

by Janet Seahorn 

music1

 

 

 

 

 

Have you ever heard a song a hundred times and never thought much about it? 

Then one day, you are driving down the road with nothing to obscure your mind; you hear this very same song and it suddenly hits a new note, a new way of thinking about the words, and you wonder why did I never recognize the amazing connection? 

Such an incident came to me a week ago while I was steering down the highway.  I heard a song from Josh Groban’s album, Awake, called “Weeping”.  What took me by surprise was how closely the words seemed to describe the silent torment of trauma. 

 How experiencing a truly shocking event, the mind, body, and spirit continues to relive the disturbing details as if they were happening in present time. 

How, no matter what you try, how much you do to contain or remove the frightening thoughts, they still seem to remain.

The words from the song “Weeping” is another way to describe those living with Post Traumatic Stress.  See if you agree – I only wrote down a verse and the poignant chorus.

 

I knew a man, who lived in fear,

It was huge, it was angry, it was drawing near.

Behind his house a secret place

Was the shadow of a demon he could never face.

He built a wall of steal and flame

And men with guns to keep it tamed…

 

It doesn’t matter now,
it’s over anyhow,

He tells the world that it’s sleeping.

But as the night came out

I heard a lonely sound

It wasn’t roaring, it was sleeping.

 

So where are those “secret” places where the demons hide?  And, even more important, how many sufferers are strong and courageous enough to face them, deal with them, and move forward? 

 

For there are no walls high enough, no amount of men with guns that will be able to tame one’s internal demons. 

 

 In the end, perhaps the residue of trauma isn’t fueled by fear and anger at all; perhaps what remains is fueled by a sense of deep sorrow.  A sorrow provoked by dreams of what could have been.  Sorrow from what was lost and the silent weeping formed from loneliness and regret. 

 

And perhaps, with enough time, enough support, and enough courage even the weeping will cease and be replaced with hope and joy.

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