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Dec
31
SCOOBY DOO AND A NEW YEAR TOO
Filed Under Dogs, New Year, Peace, TBI & PTSD, Tears of a Warrior | Comments Off on SCOOBY DOO AND A NEW YEAR TOO
by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D
Hard to believe it is the end of 2010. What an interesting year this has been. Most of our days have been filled with many blessings of meeting new friends, spending time with old ones and beloved family members, taking part in all of nature’s wonderful opportunities, and just having some time for personal rest and relaxation. To close out this year, I thought I would mention just a few of our many blessings.
While Tony was going through some medical tests at the Cheyenne Vet Hospital last week, I met a very large great Dane named Scooby Doo. He was a rescue dog who became a therapy companion for one of the wheelchair bound vets. While others believed this dog was vicious and untrainable (due to abuse from several prior families), the vet saw goodness and potential. Turns out that love does make a difference and Scooby Doo is living proof.
As stated, spending time with family and friends is always at the top of our list. There are never enough minutes in the year to let others know how much they mean to us. How their phone calls, get-togethers and small interactions are the best rewards of every day.
Being able to attend several veteran’s reunions and conventions humbled us greatly. Meeting with the Black Lions in Las Vegas, Nevada, showed us again the enormous sacrifice vets give. This particular group endured some of the worst combat missions in the Vietnam War, yet they continue to move forward every day with hope and courage. In August we were guest speakers at the annual Nebraska Vets Convention in Norfolk, NE. The veterans and their spouses were so gracious, we enjoyed the entire event.
In June Tony was the keynote speaker for Project Healing Waters’ annual organizational meeting. The conference was held in Steamboat Springs, CO, a truly stunning and perfect setting for an organization dedicated to introducing wounded vets to the beauty and peace of fly fishing. Often times, nature and our four-legged, long tongued companions are the best medicine for a tattered spirit and injured body.
For Memorial Day, we traveled to Evanston, WY to speak to a patriotic community and address the sacrifices made by all veterans from all generations.
The return home from Iraq of the Wyoming National Guard in March was a moment of jubilation that words can’t quite describe. Families who diligently carried on everyday duties without their loved ones were significantly relieved to finally have the tour of duty complete. Then in February, a group of citizens from Ft. Collins purchased and presented a beautiful Quilt of Valor to the Fort Collins Veterans Center. The quilt was made by Donna Roche in Rogers, Arkansas. Her group of quilters sends quilts overseas to various vet hospitals in the US as gifts of comfort and hope to wounded warriors.
We hope your list of items holds similar stories of warm get-togethers, memorable adventures, and quiet gratefulness. Thank you again for your many comments, your support, and most of all your immeasurable service to our country.
Jan and Tony
Dec
22
SIMPLE BLESSING
Filed Under American Patriotism, Christmas, Giving, Joy Challenge, Life, Love, Tears of a Warrior | Comments Off on SIMPLE BLESSING
by Janet & Tony Seahorn
It is almost Christmas, a few days left until we celebrate the special event that people around the world have been doing for centuries. Some of us know this occasion as the birth of Jesus. Some call it the “thank goodness the shopping is over season”. And some simply hope the day passes as quickly as possible, overwhelmed by the season of consumerism.
Weeks ago we put out to our readers an opportunity to do something for themselves and others. To do something that would calm the spirit, or an act that would make a difference for someone else. We promised to share a few comments from our readers. I learned something from this experience. Veterans fight courageously, suffer silently, and strive for goodness every day. Here are a few we received.
One veteran’s wife wrote that her husband’s close friend had suffered a serious accident and has been in a coma in the ICU burn unit since mid November. Her husband and several other Vietnam Vets have taken turns twice a week spending the night at the hospital to relieve the wife and family. They watch as their friend “continues to fight ‘awareness’, flailing arms, legs, head, and not opening eyes or focusing. We can only imagine what is going on inside his head, the thoughts, flashbacks of Nam, the unwillingness to come to”, she recounts. Their involvedness has caused her husband and the others to have their own ghosts emerge – burn centers and trauma is a trigger to their days in Nam. Now they also take time to reflect on their blessing.
My brother John wrote: Let us start that list with our name at the top because if one cannot make themselves happy first, then how can we make anyone else happy. Second on the list has to be my best friend and companion Wyatt, my lab retriever. A prayer John uses every morning is “GOD HELP ME WALK WORTHILY THIS DAY SO THAT WHEN I LIE DOWN AT NIGHT I WILL NOT BE ASHAMED”. Then I thank HIM every night for everything that happened that day.
Others discussed how they had written a letter to a family member. Some of the letters were sent to tell a particular person how much his/her presence in life has meant. How by simply being present provided a sense of belonging and safety. Others wrote to ask for another chance, a chance for redemption, a chance to help the estranged person understand the long and difficult journey the writer has endured. Perhaps, after years of alienation, there will be forgiveness, compassion, and a better understanding of each individual’s existence. Possibly a miracle may happen and relationships may begin to heal. At any rate, it is more important that the effort was made.
The last one we will share tells of how a veteran and his wife were in a grocery store when they noticed two nuns shopping. The nuns would pick up an article, look at the price tag, then put it back on the shelf. Obviously, he writes, they could not afford much. As the man was checking out, he kept his eyes on the nuns. When their bill came up, he walked over and told the cashier he was paying for their items. Needless to say, the ladies were both surprised and quite grateful. He is now a part of their prayers. What was most important, he writes,
“At the end of the day I took the challenge and went out with my wife and helped somebody.
Taking the initiative to help others made me feel good about myself”.
Thank you again for sharing your stories. We hope that your season has been healthier and happier. We know for certain each of you reading this Christmas message has made a difference for others. You are simply a blessing for many, and you deserve an abundance of Simple Blessings.
Dec
15
A Different Christmas Poem
Filed Under American Patriotism, Peace, Tears of a Warrior, War | Comments Off on A Different Christmas Poem
We included this in last year’s blog. Here it is again.
The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.
Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.
The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.
My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.
The sound wasn’t loud, and it wasn’t too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn’t quite know,
Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.
My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.
Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.
A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.
“What are you doing?” I asked without fear,
“Come in this moment, it’s freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!”
For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts..
To the window that danced with a warm fire’s light
Then he sighed and he said “Its really all right,
I’m out here by choice. I’m here every night.”
“It’s my duty to stand at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest of times.
No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I’m proud to stand here like my fathers before me.
My Gramps died at ‘ Pearl on a day in December,”
Then he sighed, “That’s a Christmas ‘Gram always remembers.”
My dad stood his watch in the jungles of ‘ Nam ‘,
And now it is my turn and so, here I am.
I’ve not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures, he’s sure got her smile.
Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red, white, and blue… an American flag.
“I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home.
I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.
I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother..
Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall.”
“So go back inside,” he said, “harbor no fright,
Your family is waiting and I’ll be all right.”
“But isn’t there something I can do, at the least,
“Give you money,” I asked, “or prepare you a feast?
It seems all too little for all that you’ve done, For
being away from your wife and your son.”
Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret, “
Just tell us you love us, and never forget.
To fight for our rights back at home while we’re gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.
For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled.
Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us.
Nov
28
THE JOY CHALLENGE
Filed Under Christmas, Combat PTSD, Family, Joy Challenge, Peace, Tears of a Warrior | Comments Off on THE JOY CHALLENGE
by Janet & Tony Seahorn
It is a bit sad to think of celebrations as a “thing” to “get through”.
Unfortunately, for many people suffering from trauma and loss, that is precisely the case. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving with family and friends. Dinner was scrumptious with tasty fares of turkey, dressing, creamy mashed potatoes, and several great desserts. Laughter was abundant.
Yet, for Tony, the noise, the larger number of people – it was only nine of us total – found it still an effort to make it through the day. After dinner, when we all were playing games, he retired to a quieter room to watch football and relax. Our sons would go down to chat, but it wasn’t the same as having him join us in the fun. After everyone left, Tony felt the familiar pangs of sadness and guilt. He wanted so much to spend more time with everyone, but simply could not manage it. Trauma squeezes an excessive sum of happiness from folks. It is the thief who continually keeps on taking and taking and taking. Unlike the Grinch who stole Christmas, this silent bandit never gives anything back.
It is heartbreaking to watch the joy of this beautiful season being weakened by suffering. Therefore, I am sending forth a challenge to each of our readers; a challenge that may take some real effort each day. This may be a test that will demand some thought and determination if it is to be successful. But most of all, this challenge will only be taken on by those who really do want extra joy in their coming days.
For most us when we are feeling a bit down we have to put forth special attempts to look for the joy around us. At other times, usually when things appear to be quite desperate, we will have to create joy. Normally, the only way we are successful in creating joy is do something joyful for someone else.
To begin this challenge, make a list of things that make you happy, a clumsy puppy, your mates smile, a quiet walk along your favorite path… Whatever it is write it down, then paste a copy on your refrigerator and your bathroom mirror – for obvious reasonsJ
Now, for the next four weeks take time each day to achieve at least ONE thing on your list. If you are absent minded like me, put a mark on the calendar that you made your JOY commitment for the day. Look around carefully, where do you notice someone in need of assistance? Perhaps this is your chance to CREATE joy, doing something for someone else. Taking an action that may take a bit of a burden from a family or person in need. Golly, these are acts that a Grinch would detest, because bandits can’t steal what is being given from the heart.
Finally, and I very much hope Tony and I hear from many of you, sometime before Christmas send us a short message to let us know if this challenge made your holiday season a bit better this year.
If you did perform an “act of kindness”, we would love to hear about that too. In our Christmas week blog we will be a sharing the messages we receive. Do something special this season, take this Joy Challenge.
In doing so, remember this quote by Charles D. Gill,
“Believe that you make a difference. There are many wonderful things that will never be done if you do not do them”.
We wish you twenty-five days of amazing goodness. May this season bring you the joy you so richly deserve.
Seasons Greetings
Apr
6
Happy Easter
Filed Under Combat PTSD, Easter, Family, PTSD, Tears of a Warrior | Comments Off on Happy Easter
In our family, Easter is a time to gather and celebrate the Good News. Our last blog focused on the challenges often associated with holidays along with some suggestions for making the day less stressful.
We are happy to report that our Easter celebration was wonderful. We had our sons, several of their friends, Jan’s sister, and two extra dogs for the afternoon. At times it could have been a bit hectic, however by following some of our own suggestions the day went quite well.
As the day went on, Tony made his choices based on how he was feeling and what he wanted to do at the time. Since there were a few basketball games on TV as well as a good movie, he had some quiet time in our lower family room. Most of the guests remained upstairs where goodies were arranged for munching and chatting.
Since the weather was warm with plenty of sunshine, after dinner everyone took a long walk, working off some calories and getting the four-legged visitors out for some exercise. Just being outside in the open air was very therapeutic. It is amazing how calming nature can be in normalizing an otherwise busy gathering.
The evening ended with playing our traditional family games which can be quite loud and annoying for some. So Tony once again spent some quiet time reading and watching March Madness.
What is important is that everyone had a good time, had plentiful opportunities to engage in a variety of activities, and made choices that were appropriate for each person. Long ago we stopped apologizing for any person who decides to make an alternative choice for the day. Each person is responsible for him/herself and each person has permission to do what is best for him/her anytime during the celebrations. By reducing unnecessary expectations, the large gatherings go much smoother.
We are so blessed to be able to spend quality time with family and friends. It is important, therefore, that these special occasions turn out to be special because of the good things that occur, instead of some outburst that will be remembered miserably.
Congratulations family! We made it perfectly through another holiday.
Apr
1
Hippity, Hoppity and Snotty Vets
Filed Under Combat PTSD, Easter, Events, PTSD, Tears of a Warrior | Comments Off on Hippity, Hoppity and Snotty Vets
-by Janet J. Seahorn
Gosh, can you believe it is Easter/Passover and once again families gather to celebrate the spirit of the season. Many will also hunt Easter eggs, gorge on chocolate bunnies, and enjoy family dinner and getting together. This is a time to rejoice, but can also be a time of turmoil. There is ample opportunity for our Snotty Vets to practice breathing, self-control, and “looking” cheerful – even if it’s only a facade. Today I woke with the children’s rhyme of “Here Comes Peter Cotton Tale”, but instead of the regular words this is what came to mind:
Here comes Peter Cotton Tail
Hopping down the combat trail,
Hippity, Hoppity, Demons on the way.
Yikes! How weird is that! Yet, the reality is many people who have suffered severe trauma find holidays incredibly challenging. When everyone around appears to be laughing, enjoying company, having a great time, for some with experiences of trauma, all this joy may simply exacerbate the feeling of depression and isolation. You desperately want to join in the festivities and you desperately want to feel normal. So the downward spiral continues.
Last blog I wrote about Snotty Fish and Snotty Vets. In reflection I remembered past family gatherings where my Snotty Vet tried anxiously to fit into the interactions. He participated gallantly until it got to be too much, which is when the teapot began to spout. Too much steam building in a confined container and something has to give. If only we had known about PTSD, its effects and ways of coping, family gatherings could have been much saner and safer for everyone.
Therefore, here are a few suggestions that have worked for us. We discovered these over many years of observing roller-coaster emotions.
- Don’t try and force your Snotty Vet to participate more than he/she is able.
- Allow them to swim in whatever pond helps them to feel safe and calm.
- Plan the loud festivities that can be annoying for many – not just Snotty Vets – to be in places that are outside or in very large surroundings. By being smart, it reduces the tension and permits everyone a chance to find areas that aren’t so irritating.
- Be thoughtful about the length of time anyone has to spend taking part in the activities.
- Be sure to find a good balance in how you celebrate. Be reflective and enjoy some quiet time as well.
Oh, and be sure to have a Happy Easter/Passover. Celebrations are still important to cherish. They can be the occasions that help us bond more tightly and even heal a bit.
And be sure to be kind to bunnies that wear combat boots.
Dec
1
Silent, Holy Night
Filed Under Events, Life, Light A Candle, PTSD | Comments Off on Silent, Holy Night
Hard to believe that another Christmas season is now upon us. The beautiful lights and carols, the festive decorations, the fun of being with family and friends, and the craziness of shopping that can be more NO, NO, NO, than HO, HO, HO.
With all of the splendor and frenzied activities of the holidays, PTSD and dealing with other wounds of war can be a daunting challenge for many vets.
There is this incredible Dr. Jekyll / Mr. Hyde phenomenon that occurs for many this time of year. The joy of being home with loved ones along with the constant struggle to breathe through the nightmares and panic attacks.
Crowded shopping centers, constant bustle everywhere, and traffic jams that defy the patience of the calmest celestial being are not so wonderful for frayed and fragile nerves.
Perhaps the only gift many of our wounded warriors pray for is Peace. Peace on Earth, Peace across all continents, and most of all, Peace within oneself.
It is for this reason that we created a special tribute to our veterans and their families. During this blessed Holiday Season, let us take a few moments to remember the sacrifice of our military – both past and current – and their families.
May each night truly be a peaceful Silent, Holy Night.
Click on the link below to view our special Christmas tribute.