• Purchase “Tears of a Warrior”

  Click "Buy Now" to continue to PayPal

  

• Resources

  • American Legion
  • American Military Family
  • Army OneSource
  • Army Times
  • Big Red One
  • Black Lions-1st Inf Div
  • Blue Star Mothers
  • C322 Association
  • Community of Veterans
  • Defender's Own
  • Disabled American Veterans
  • Forever and a Day
  • Freedom Dogs
  • Green Mountain Cantor
  • High Ground
  • Kevin's Drift Boat
  • Military OneSource
  • Military Order of the Purple Heart
  • Military Women
  • Military Writers Society
  • National Center for PTSD
  • National Veterans Awareness Ride
  • National Veterans Foundation
  • ONE Freedom
  • Operation Homefront
  • Operation Vets
  • Project Healing Waters
  • Purple Heart Foundation
  • Rat Bike Milo
  • Remember and Honor
  • Soldiers' Angels
  • This is VietNow
  • Vet Voice
  • Veteran Artist
  • Veterans Administration
  • Veterans of Foreign Wars
  • Veterans of Operation Iraqi Freedom and Operation Enduring Freedom
  • Veterans Plaza
  • Vietnam Helicopter Pilots Association (VHPA)
  • Vietnam Veterans Memorial
  • Vietnam Veterans of America
  • Warrior Relaxation Response Center
  • Welcome Home Warrior
  • World War II Musuem
  • Wounded Warrior Project

by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D

 

            Recently, Tony and I visited with a group of veterans from the Military Order of  Purple Heart. Attending were vets from WWII, Korea, Vietnam and the current conflicts. While discussing our book, Tears of a Warrior and the issues of PTSD, we got on the topic of how challenging it is for veterans returning from war to find a job. Only in recent times has the issue of work for veterans become clearer.

 

            Many of us thought veterans who came home from serving in WWII were greeted with big parades and wonderful new career opportunities. For years I was under such an assumption. Then I talked with several WWII veterans and what they described was something much simpler. For most, once they returned home they did what historically other veterans had done before them… they went home, tried to find a suitable job and raise a family. Little was written or said about the struggle in finding employment or integrating back into civilian life. For many, there were no parades, no bands welcoming them home, only the test of getting on with life.

 

            Eric Jensen explains in his book about his father, Forever and a Day: The World War II Odyssey of an American Family, how hard it was to find work after the war. As he wrote, many of the jobs were already filled by civilians who had those positions during the war. When the veterans returned there were not as many opportunities for employment as we first believed. Jensen wrote how frustrating it was for his father to have spent so many years away from his family only to return to another struggle – finding a job that would pay enough to support his young family.

 

            Today, too many employers believe erroneously that vets returning from Iraq and Afghanistan may be suffering from PTSD or TBI and are reluctant to hire someone who may be emotionally compromised. We have written on several occasions how this is simply not the case for the majority of combat personnel. Military personnel have proven over and over again that they are bright, committed and competent employees. Given a task, they will make sure it gets completed in a satisfactory manner. They will show up daily, even when they are tired or under the weather. Veterans are some of the most proficient and capable members of an organization.

 

            Part of the healing process of our soldiers, both young and old is to value their sacrifice for our country by honoring them with suitable jobs. One struggle we can help them avoid is a struggle to find work. As a country and as a community perhaps offering employment can be a step of vast significance.

 

            In addition to mending them, “If we send them, let’s then employ them” when they return.

 

by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D

 

 

            This is the title of a book sent to us by Marie Leduc, the wife of a Vietnam Veteran who co-wrote it with retired naval aviator, Art Schmitt, Ph.D.  Later Art got his degree in psychology. The Man I Didn’t Know: The Stories of Wives and Families of Vietnam Veterans who suffer from “Post Traumatic Stress Disorder”, is a collection of stories and poems written from the perspective of those most directly impacted by combat.

The articles are heartrending and the poetry will literally place you in the hearts and souls of the writers. While reading through the many tales I found several statements pretty sobering and thought provoking. Some statements gave me an unusual viewpoint of war, especially the last few wars we have fought and left without a clear victory. I have included several small snippets of some of these in this blog.

 

• “The United States did not lose the war in Vietnam, the South Vietnamese did. The last American troops left Vietnam on March 29, 1973, (however, the last flight out wasn’t until 1975). We did not lose the war… we stopped fighting” (p. 16). Recently, December 15, 2011 we raised the last American flag as we leftIraq.  I wondered if years down the road we will describe this last conflict in a similar manner.

 

• “There are two kinds of PTSD… acute, which is treatable, and Chronic, which is manageable”.  More Vietnam veterans, per capita, suffer from chronic PTSD than from any other war. The reasons for this is unknown, but it may be that it was an unpopular war and the veterans were not welcomed home” (p. 16).

 

• In another article, To Answer Your Question, by Ed Ruminski, the veteran is trying to explain to his son what combat was like, how time stopped and actions were both quick and in slow motion. How he had to be “constantly watching, listening to my senses”.  In the end he merely states, “They call it war, and to answer your question son, yes, I have killed somebody. What I was unaware of was how by that process I just described, I was also killing myself” (p.19). Sadly, many of our Iraq and Afghanistan troops are returning with parallel sentiments.These are just a few statements from the book. The various writings describe the wounds of the minds, how scary it can be for a family to negotiate the many behaviors and emotional ups and downs of their beloved warrior, how a mother must learn to cope with the death of her son while visiting the Vietnam Wall to stay connected, and how PTSD affects children when their under developed minds and bodies leave them vulnerable to actions which they may never fully understand. In the end, this last quote by Jacqueline McVicar      (p. 85) really says it all.

“His fight was in Vietnam,

Ours is the Vietnam in him.”

Ordering information:  ISBN: 1-4196-2452-0  www.booksurge.com  1-866-308-6235

by Janet J. Seahorn

 

It’s hard to believe that Christmas is only a few weeks away. The carols are blaring on many radio stations, decorations in stores have been up way before we killed the Thanksgiving turkey, and advertisement to buy what will put you in the poor house are everywhere making one ask after a purchase, “Why the ### did I buy that” and then “How in the ### will I pay for it”. If one isn’t careful, Christmas can increase PTSD and not just in military vets.

 

            When reading through a list of Post-Traumatic Stress indicators I got to reflecting on how many can be aggravated by the holidays. Therefore, instead of making a Christmas list for Santa, I thought it would be far more attention-grabbing to create a list of PTSD Christmas triggers.

 

• 1. Easily startled – I couldn’t possibly cover all of these but a few could occur with all the bells tingling, unfriendly Santas, and way tooooo many loud people.

 

• 2. Easily upset – for Tony a short trip to any shopping center quickly attains this mark.

 

• 3. Feeling tense or anxious – do I really need to explain this one, really? $$$ worries, memories of unpleasant holidays during combat, too much outside stimulation that no one can control.

 

• 4. Problems maintaining attention or concentrating – advertisers only need you to remain focused for thirty seconds… long enough to give them your credit card.

 

• 5. Feeling disorganized – WHO DOESN’T at this time of year?

 

• 6. Nightmares – and these may not be about combat. Think of the songs we hear that aren’t all that cheery like, Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer, any chipmunk song, and if I hear The Twelve Days of Christmas even once I will go bonkers!

 

• 7. Experience sudden mood swings – Are you kidding; listen to a sad song, watch a funny commercial, open your bundle of bills… most of us are somewhat emotional challenged during this time of year and PTSD only makes it more FUN!

 

• 8. Hard time dealing with stressful situations – everything is stressful and the only remedy is visit Mother Nature often, stay home and read a good book, or take a Rip Van Winkle nap until January 15^th.

 

• 9. Feeling tired, stomachaches, headaches, aches, aches, and more aches… – have you ever put up a 16 foot Christmas tree, put together some special present that takes an engineering degree to properly assemble, try to learn how to use your new piece of technology… my stomach is already beginning to cringe just writing this section.

 

Now that you are thoroughly depressed, here’s the good news. The Holiday Season can be a beautiful, inspiring time of year, yet only if we intentional focus our attention on what is important and worthwhile in our lives. Things like family, friends, good health, personal freedoms, loving relationships and adoring four legged companions. Many times if we focus on helping another being some of our worries and aches disappear for a bit and we experience the true meaning and joy of the coming days. So let us welcome back our Ho, Hos, and get rid of the CRAP. Happy, Happy, Happy Holidays to everyone.

by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D

 

            Holy Smokes! My brain is reeling like an out of control roller coaster. You know the experience, the climbing to the top of the coaster mountain knowing it is going to plummet to the bottom once there. At times it feels stimulating, and then there’s the “I think I am going to lose my stomach” sensation. Well, this scenario somewhat describes how I left after listening for two hours to a presentation on VA benefits. I went with Tony to learn more about how best to negotiate the system and the process. Honestly, it was quite interesting, although, I must admit, I didn’t understand everything the speaker was telling the audience, nor could I keep up with all the “do this not that”, “go here, not there”, “know this exception or else”. Yikes, no wonder many of our veterans and their families get confused. It truly takes an expert in the organization to help lead you successfully through the government maze of regulations.

            Following are a few items I gleaned from the session that perhaps some of our readers will find helpful. Keep in mind that the VA is concerned with treating the whole person where other government organizations are mainly focused on the medical issues.

• 1. First, whether you like it or not you will need to have and be somewhat comfortable using a computer since all forms and many interactions are now on-line. If you are one of those who are somewhat computer illiterate, grab a friend or family member to help with the process. A few websites that can be very useful: www.Ebenefits.va.gov (this site gives you access to your vet information) www.Healthmil/PDBR (this is the site for getting the process underway to leave the military).

 

• 2. Something many veterans do not know is that they are eligible for problems that occur as a result of their major injury or condition. These are called “Secondary Problems“.

 

• 3. For new vets leaving the military, some States have places were individuals can go and get all of their needs, benefits, sign-up forms, and medical tests done in one setting. Not only does this speed up the process, it cuts down on the frustration of visiting several places over a span of several weeks.

 

• 4. As you put in for your benefits, understand that it takes a minimum of ten days to be processed before the information shows up on the Ebenifits website, and this only occurs if the VA has all of the needed medical records.

 

• 5. Now this leads us to getting those medical records…Go and Get Them YOURSELF. If you rely on your doctor’s office sending this information to the VA once it is requested, you may be waiting as long as six months before they get around to sending it. This is not the VA’s fault. Since doctors offices do not get reimbursed for doing this task, some are not very eager to move it forward in a timely manner.

 

• 6. Understand that once your benefits begin, the government will send your funds to your bank using Direct Deposit. If you don’t have a bank, they will send you a debit card. There will no longer be any CHECKS written to an individual. Understand it is YOUR responsibility to give the VA the correct bank routing number or account number, or address. If you move and forget to send them you new address, you will probably have trouble getting your funds. If your benefits begin on Feb. 1^st, your first funds will come through until March 1^st. Many organizations work on this type of a timeline.

 

• 7. If you were a Marine stationed at Camp Lejeune (www.lejeune.usmc.mil) before 1986, immediately go to their website to obtain information on filing a claim regarding medical conditions stemming from a toxic waste situation in the area. This also applies to our current vets who served in Balaud, Iraq where it was common practice to burn their waste, including plastic water bottles. The results of being exposed to the toxic smoke can cause colon cancer, lymphoma, respiratory problems… Down the road similar consequences may come from exposure to the sands in Iraq and Afghanistan.

 

• 8. Also, did you know that many of our veterans are eligible for a VA home loan that may be far better than those offered by the FHA. This was an AHA for us. Check out www.homeloans.va.gov or www.hopenow.comwebsites or call the Homeownership Preservation Foundation at 1-888-995-HOPE (4673).

 

• 9. And last, it is very important that every veteran is aware of the processes for filing a claim, receiving benefits, etc. Be sure to read EVERY piece of information or mail that comes to you. Don’t put it aside and think you will get back to it later. Read it immediately. Answer any and all phone calls from your VA centers as soon as possible. And be persistent as long as you take responsibility for what you need to do to help process your claims and benefits.  

After listening to so much information and needing a Tylenol or Latte badly, I came to the following conclusions:

One – every vet needs to take the appropriate responsibility for getting his needs met. Blaming won’t get the job done; being proactive has a better chance of success.

Two – and please don’t scoff at this because I am sometimes tempted to do so, try to believe in the VA’s motto, “Grant if you can, only deny if you have to”. If you feel the person you are working with isn’t doing enough, ask for someone else to assist you. Often times getting a fresh pair of eyes and ears can make a huge difference. What I saw and heard today confirmed that there are many individuals in the VA organization who are incredibly dedicated to making a difference to our country’s veterans. We know of many and are grateful for their efforts.

            Good Luck and take your patience pills – dealing with any huge organization, especially the government will require an abundance of endurance.

 Veteran’s Day Week, the History Channel will present a special episode of the Vietnam War.

Mark your calendar to view this special presentation.

by Deborah A Maffucci

 This blog was sent via an e-mail letter last week.  Deborah has kindly allowed us to share her comments with our readers. 

Growing up, my knowledge of my dad’s war experience went no further than, “My dad was in   WW II and I think he was stationed in England.” 

      On advice from my therapist, I decided to go to the attic and find my dad’s discharge papers.  Oh my!!!  After hours of online research (which is amazingly complete) for the first time I realized that my dad was right in the “thick of WWII”

     He was 22 years old in 1942 when he joined the USAAF to fight in the European Theatre in WW II.  He received four medals and a Presidential Unit Citation.  He was at Normandy, the Battle of the Bulge and Rhineland.  He was a Technical Sgt. in the 8th Air Force Fighter Command, 66th Fighter Wing, 339th Fighter Group, 504th Fighting Squadron.  Oh my stars !!!   He was a soldier.  

      I needed to read about what it is really like to be a soldier.  I found your book, “Tears of a Warrior” at my local library and read it almost in one sitting.  I couldn’t put it down.   A whole world of understanding and compassion for my dad has been felt in my heart.  A sense of awakening and belief that I will feel much more true joy and happiness and conquer my life long feelings of anxiety, fear and depression.  

      I realize now that I am trying to heal from the secondary PTSD that comes from living with a combat warrior and not knowing it. There was no time for my dad to heal because he died in 1969 from cancer.  I realize my dad’s war experiences must have been the true source of our family struggle.  It wasn’t because my dad didn’t love us, or because he would rather spend all his time at the firehouse, the VFW or the Elks Club, he was a warrior.  I understand why he loved being a fireman, he was draw to the danger, why he abused alcohol, to block out his war memories, why he yelled so much, he was a sergeant.  All my childhood memories make sense now. Your book has put my life story in prospective.  Thank you for that long awaited insight. !!!  

      My dad was a combat warrior and I never knew it.  I just want to give him the biggest hug right now and tell him how proud I am of him.  From 1945 until Dec 7th 1969 when he died, he was fighting WWII in his mind and body.   

     You have truly helped me to understand what happened to my dad in the war and what he must have struggled with after the war. I hold him in a new and special place in my heart.

    God bless you, 

    Debbie Maffucci

 P.S.   I borrowed your book from the Jesup Library in Bar Harbor, Maine. I believe it was only hours after you so graciously donated a copy to our town. I have recommended it to my counselor to use in her therapy work.

by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D

 

          Here is a question to think about…how many of you would take your entire retirement in one lump sum and then put it into a facility that would serve as a place of support, safety, and relaxation for our country’s vets? 

 

            This special place would require quite a bit of work. You would need to paint the walls, put in new furniture that would be comfortable and calming, and develop programs that would facilitate a wounded warrior’s emotional and physical well-being.

 

            Such a facility would need quiet places where an individual could find the best environment to heal.  For instance, one room would serve as a large conference room for presentations and discussions. Another would be a smaller area with a number of large reclining couches as well as chair recliners. My favorite happens to be a room with three oversized, state of the art massage recliners.

 

            Each of the two “relaxation” rooms is equipped with head phones to listen to select music of choice under dim lighting. Small water fountains provide a sense of a quiet, flowing river. A large screen TV scrolls messages of hope and inspiration. Every detail was thoughtfully conceived to provide a special place of peace.

 

            And here is the amazing thing, the person who has formed this sanctuary does not charge one cent for a veteran or family member. The Warrior Relaxation Response Center is located on the south side of Colorado Springs, CO, close to Fort Carson military base. It has been open barely a year. To continue to provide these services, the owner, Antoine Johnson, is desperately trying to obtain grants from various organizations as well as the army’s military base.

 

            With a challenging economy, this will be no easy task. As Antoine tells it, “It is a true leap of faith”. He explains that he simply loves the military men and women who served our country. He and his wife spent many years in the army, fought in Desert Storm, and then became teachers. Working with traumatized children became his specialty. Many of the children came from military families torn apart by combat deployments, with parents returning with TBI and PTSD. Antoine saw a calling to help those returning from war to achieve a more stable and balanced life.

 

            Last Thursday we were invited to visit the center and speak to some of the veterans and their families. Young and old were present, each with a story of trauma The flashbacks, the lack of understanding from family and friends who have not had to endure war, the numbing of the senses just to get through the day, and the sometimes overwhelming anxiety of not knowing when the next emotional attack will occur.

 

            Throughout our country there will be an even greater need for more centers like the Warrior Relaxation Response Center A place where an individual can visit to simply be alone and find some solace. A place where he/she will not be judged, asked questions, or encouraged to just get on with living. Sometimes, as Antoine understands, a warrior simply needs a quiet space. Healing takes time, often a lifetime.

 

            For those who want to contribute to support this mission or learn more about the facility please contact Antoine Johnson:           http://www.warriorrrc.com

by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D

 

Last week I was honored by being the keynote speaker for the Women’s Luncheon at the annual Nebraska Vietnam Veteran Reunion. It is an interesting phenomenon, keynotes after eating. Most sane societies have a meal then nap for a bit. Yet, in the western world we seem to think people really want and are capable of listening to anything after ingesting a yummy luncheon. Therefore, the challenge of any meal speaker is to entertain while keeping his/her audience awake; a rather formidable task. Added to this test was the seriousness of my topic… talking about the effects of living with a spouse who is suffering with Post Traumatic Stress.  Yikes!

 

            Truthfully, this was a wonderful and unique opportunity to be with a large group of women who have endured decades of family and personal events colored by their loved one’s emotional combat trauma. The last thing I wanted was to have people leave the luncheon with more stress and upset stomachs. All of us have had way too much of these frailties. Consequently, I thought the best speech needed to be short, informative, and delivered with humor and solemnity. So here are just a few of the items I believe may be useful to strengthen the next years of these amazing women’s lives.

 

            When I talk about the “X” Factor, it refers to what makes women, women. It is not a coincidence that women have two legs on their chromosomes to stand on versus a man’s one – “Y”. God knew we would need both legs on the “X” to stabilize us on our unforeseeable, earthly journey. Being wives, mothers, sisters… makes us caregivers and caretakers. Trauma from combat both physical and emotional makes this even more evident. “Whether it is our own mothers who stood by us in long-distance torment as we fought on foreign soil, or the mothers of the dead and wounded here as well as in Iraq and Afghanistan, we recognize that most often, it is the women—- mothers/wives… who are left to care for the broken bodies, souls, and societies left in the wake of war.”

 

            Understanding and identifying our own actions may help protect our sanity and bodily health. Here were a few of the behaviors I asked the women to recognize and acknowledge as they interact with their loved one. Think about which of these four DOINGs you use the most:

       Doing To:     Blaming and Fault Finding

      Doing For:   Rescuing, Pampering, Becoming like the Bad Behavior

      Doing NIL (nothing):  Ignoring, Avoiding, Excluding, Rejecting — fuels emotions of shame in the brain

      Doing With:  Connecting, Clarifying, Restoring

 

            So which category do you fall in most often? Believe me, the first three are quite easy to live in…  The Doing With is much trickier to accomplish especially when you are tired, angry, and dealing with your own pain. For this reason I have adopted a powerful quote from St. Francis de Sales. I carry it in my purse. I have it on my kitchen counter, and I pasted it on my bedroom mirror.

 

            “I made a pact with my tongue to never speak when my heart is in distress.”

 

          Some days I am almost mute trying to practice this suggestion.

by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D

 Have you ever thought about lumpy gravy? Surely you’ve seen it, maybe even had to eat some of it. Most of us prefer our gravy to be smooth and thick, rich with the juices of the meat. So what has Lumpy Gravy got to do with PTSD? Everything! It is a pretty accurate metaphor of life and living with PTSD both as the sufferer and those closest to the pot.

 

            Last night I got to thinking a lot about “Lumpy Gravy”. It all came about as Tony and I were making a turkey dinner for a friend recovering from ankle surgery. We were taking dinner over to him when we came into the dangerous territory of the Lumpy Gravy fiend. I had asked Tony to make the gravy for the meal. Unbeknownst to me, Tony had a very specific way in which he insisted on making HIS gravy. This entailed carefully putting in a handful of flour into the left over juices and stirring it until it was brown with a smooth texture before adding the extra water or milk to the mixture. However, I made the dastardly mistake of having too much liquid in the mixture. The only way to thicken with flour was to put it in a small jar filled with a bit of water, shake rigorously, and then add this concoction to the turkey drippings. As you may have now guessed, this was not the prescribed procedure. Tony responded by dumping a scoop of flour directly into the hot turkey drippings. Walla, BIG, white lumps of flour now floated proudly on top of the mixture almost taunting him saying, “You really messed this one up mister”.  

 

            Not a big deal to the normal gravy maker. But to Tony this was not acceptable. Seeing those lumpy, white, floating sprites of flour on top of the gravy was another clever way of the PTSD troll to appear. The remainder of the evening was consumed with hashing over the problem of who, why, what, and how we now had to endure “Lumpy Gravy”.

 

            It sounds ridiculous to most people, even a bit hilarious. Something you might view on a TV sitcom. Yet, spending the evening with the “Lumpy Gravy” demon was not entertaining or fun. It was another darn opportunity to practice patience and understanding, which can wear quite thin on some days. After settling my own temper and trying desperately to hold my tongue, which is not easy or consistently successful, I remembered what Dr. Haug, (Tony’s VA therapist) had explained to me. Tony’s behavior wasn’t about “Lumpy Gravy” at all. It was about the need to do things right, to be accurate, to be correct in the operating procedure. If one was careless and procedures weren’t followed, the operation could be in peril. As trivial as it may seem, “Lumpy Gravy” was a failure in procedure.

 

            So what does “Lumpy Gravy” have to do with Life or PTSD? It is a metaphor of living. Enjoying smooth days that offer a richness of texture and seasoning without too many major LUMPS.

 

            When lumps do appear in a vat of hot gravy it is nearly impossible to whisk them away no matter how vigorously we might attack the mixture. About the best we can do is to remove as many lumps as possible and hope that the gravy is still consumable. Most important is to learn the lesson of what created that “Lumpy Gravy” and try to prevent inviting the demon to dinner too often.

 

            Next time, I am opting to buy my gravy mixture in a jar, already prepared so all that is needed is to heat it in the micro. Bon appetite you “Lumpy Gravy” demon.

Next Page →

• Search for:

• Blog Sign-up

  Enter your email address:

  FBF ▪ Powered by ®Google Feedburner

• Categories

  • Agent Orange
  • Aging
  • American Patriotism
  • Black Lions
  • Brain Injury
  • Christmas
  • Civilian life
  • Combat PTSD
  • Dogs
  • Easter
  • Events
  • Family
  • Fishing Therapy
  • Fourth of July
  • Giving
  • Good Grief
  • Healing
  • Healing Waters
  • History Channel
  • Holiday Season
  • Holidays
  • Honor Flight
  • Hope
  • Human Rights
  • Interviews
  • Journal of Military Experience
  • Joy Challenge
  • Life
  • Light A Candle
  • Love
  • Lumpy Gravy
  • Memorial Day
  • Music
  • New Year
  • Peace
  • Pets
  • Plucking Tears
  • Presidential Unit Award
  • PTSD
  • PTSD treatment
  • Purple Heart
  • Quilts of Valor
  • Return To Vietnam
  • Service Dogs
  • Sgt. Reckless
  • Soldier
  • Spouse
  • TBI & PTSD
  • Tears
  • Tears of a Warrior
  • Tears of Joy
  • The Man I Didn't Know
  • Today's War
  • Trauma
  • Treating PTSD
  • Tribute
  • Troops
  • VA Center
  • Veteran Benefits
  • Veteran's Day
  • Veterans
  • Veterans Day 2010
  • Veterans Plaza
  • Vietnam Reunion
  • Vietnam Today
  • Vietnam Veterans
  • War
  • War Horse
  • Wisdom
  • Women in Combat
  • World War II
  • WY National Guard

• Meta

  • Log in
  • Entries RSS
  • Comments RSS
  • WordPress.org