Purchase “Tears of a Warrior”
Click "Buy Now" to continue to PayPal
Click to order eBook - Kindle
Click to order eBook - Nook
Jul
11
NOW THIS IS RESILIENCE
Filed Under Combat PTSD, Life, PTSD, Tears of a Warrior, War | Comments Off
by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D
This is just one story of one veteran who served in World War II. We received it in a letter from a man who is approaching “89 years young”, as he proudly put it. His name is John and he wrote he has “good genes” and is of Irish and French Basque decent. What was so endearing about this letter is that it was type written, well some of it. Halfway through the letter his typewriter tape went out and he had to continue his story handwritten. The picture of this “young” man sitting at his old typewriter skillfully creating his message is really quite precious.
John’s story is much like countless military veterans. Part of his tale is chronicled in a book by James D. Hornfishcher, Neptune‘s Inferno – the U.S. Navy at Guadalcanal. This particular battle claimed the life of the first two WWII Navy Admirals killed during combat. Because his ship was in enemy territory being stalked by submarines, the rescue ship had to “put him in a metal basket, slung over the side on a long line to a destroyer”. From there he was transported to Fiji for several months of hospitalization. Eventually, John arrived back to the states where he spent over a year in rehab. But this was not the end of his healing journey. After leaving the hospital he was sent to another place in Yosemite National Park which served as a holding location for vets waiting for their discharge papers. Since there was no PTSD ward at the time, John explained, that he was “placed into a long, one room barracks building which was called the All-Messed-Up Ward”.
When John was injured, he was paralyzed on the entire right side of his body. He could not hear well nor speak much, which he humorously stated “much to the pleasure of the other patients… who wants to hear a US Marine Sergeant yak-yak”. His leg was severely injured along with loss of part of his skull. Due to his head injury he suffered many years with epileptic seizures. John admits he has struggled with PTSD (as has his brother who also served in the Marine Corp). Yet, throughout his letter there was a theme of humor, courage, and resilience. This combination of personal moral fiber aided him in living a full life.
One of the last things John wrote, I’m doing quite well, reminded me of the remarkable valor and stamina the vast majority of veterans possess. John wrote to thank us for our book, Tears of a Warrior. He said it helped explain some of what he went through during and after the war. In the end it is we who are honored to hear from someone who has endured so much, given so much in service to his country, and still continues to live with enthusiasm and pride.
Tony and I are deeply humbled to hear from individuals like John. It made those long years and challenges of writing our book worth the time and effort. And we continue to hope and believe that for everyone who has been wounded in any way during service to our country that If we send them, then we must mend them – no matter how long it takes or how much it costs.
John’s life is a testimonial to all of our military heroes.
Jun
30
“Remember Me”
Filed Under American Patriotism, Family, Fourth of July, Tears of a Warrior, Troops, Veterans, War | Comments Off
Jun
25
GOOD GRIEF
Filed Under Combat PTSD, Good Grief, Life, PTSD, Tears of a Warrior, Trauma, Veterans, War | Comments Off
by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D
Good Grief – sounds like words Charlie Brown would proclaim when something illogical occurred. When you think about it, he was not that off base using this phrase, Good Grief, because grief, at least the first phase of mourning, is anything but logical. Experiencing grief is not a rational process. It is gut wrenching and emotionally challenging. Grief by its very definition: “deep sadness or mental distress caused by loss, remorse, or bereavement” (Webster’s Dictionary) leaves the sufferer questioning if he/she will or can survive the agony.
Too many of our military men and women have had to bear the loss of friends. Yet, due to circumstances of the battlefield, they cannot take the time, energy, or effort to fully move through the grieving process. Each individual must be able to carry on without the luxury of grieving. In war, there is always another job to do, a new battle to wage, and perhaps even further loss. Add PTSD to the grief process, and the mountain to healing becomes even steeper to climb.
It is little wonder that our young and old warriors return from combat with unresolved issues. Many of these problems center around the grief process or more accurately, lack of resolving the immense weight of unsettled pain. If we were to look at the grief process described by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ five stages – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance – it is pretty easy to identify where & why many can get permanently stuck in one phase or another. To complicate matters, real grief processing requires going in and out of the various stages for a long period, often times skipping phases only to be plunged back to that pit at a moments notice.
Families of vets often state that their loved one is in denial; denial that they are suffering, denial that there is anything wrong with them, and denial that they can handle the situation without help. Then there is anger; anger at the government who sent them to fight, anger at the enemy, anger at a civilian society that has no clue of what they went through, and most devastating is anger at themselves for not being strong enough to overcome the trauma of combat. As far as bargaining, most warriors don’t seem to bargain for much of anything except for a break to live without all of the emotional baggage.
What we see a great deal of, when and if a veteran reaches this next phase is depression. This is the phase that may be the most difficult to get through and endure without resorting to self medication. For many the moments between denial, anger, and depression can be small; often they are mixed together in a whirling mass of chaos. Achieving acceptance is seldom a permanent stage, a stage which many of our wounded warriors never attain even for brief moments.
Dealing with Post Traumatic Stress is dealing with grief. It is not easy; it is not quick; it definitely is not logical; and it is not a journey that any one of us should have to go through alone. Is there such a thing as Good Grief? Truthfully, I am not sure any grief is good, but I have witnessed and have personally gone through mourning that is doable. To be perfectly honest, I am not sure grief made me stronger, but it certainly made me more compassionate and gave me a deeper appreciation of each ordinary day where I can breathe freely without feeling my heart breaking.
And that in and of itself is pretty darn GOOD.
Jun
17
LIVING STORIES
Filed Under Combat PTSD, Journal of Military Experience, Life, PTSD, Tears of a Warrior, Trauma, Treating PTSD, Veterans, War | Comments Off
It came in the mail, a book from a professor at Eastern Kentucky University, The Journal of Military Experience. Most publications I get from universities are on topics that deal with academia, you know – ways to teach literacy, how the brain works, and other research topics. This book was different. It wasn’t written by a bunch of stuffy professors based on their special investigative studies. Nope, this book was written by a group of young veterans who had served overseas and were trying to reintegrate into civilian and academic life. Needless to say, many of the stories and poems were composed with emotions that were still raw from combat.
The authors were students in Professor Travis Martin’s writing class. The purpose of his unique course was to help with the initial assimilation phase of university life. “Some of the authors write about the unspeakable things that they have been asked to do, or more accurately, that have been done to them. But some focus solely on that work of translation, making sense of a warrior culture and the mentality of an individual who has been bred, trained, and conditioned by a society in desperate need of a few willing to sacrifice for the many (Introduction).”
The theme in many pieces confirmed how challenging returning from war was for these young warriors. They wrote about who they were before combat and how they had changed from the experience. How seeing friends die before their eyes, how being shot at on a regular basis, how tough it was to determine who would live or perish depending on their interpretation of an approaching car or a family on the side of the road, how these battle experiences made their time during and after conflict more demanding. One marine described “every day someone else would die or get seriously injured. One of my friends lost his legs from a roadside bomb right outside our front gate at 0200 in the morning (Guy Robert Lubin, p. 6-7)”.
Yet, in spite of all of the horror, all the wounds both physical and emotional, not one individual regretted serving his country. Not one person wished he/she did not complete a tour of duty overseas. What some did question, though, was when or if they would ever be free from the fiends of warfare. One author acknowledged “you truly stop caring. You don’t want to shoot, but you will. You won’t think about it, until you get home that is (Bradley Johnson, p. 53)”. He continued, “While you fight and suffer and struggle, you are also changing, becoming someone totally different. The harsh and violent realities of war forces you to change. Emotions are an inconvenience — they distract you — making you feel and think instead of react. A distracted soldier is a dead soldier. My evolution was a great thing on the battlefield, but it is just as much a bad thing when you get home (p. 53)”.
In this book, there are profound words and stories from those few who have given so much for freedom in our country and lands far away. They are “living stories” from real warriors. They ask nothing but a smidgen of understanding and a bit of healing when they return. For every vet past, present or future let us value the sacrifice and honor the service never failing to remember how all gave some, while some gave all.
Jun
13
WHAT YOU DON’T TALK ABOUT
Filed Under Combat PTSD, PTSD, Tears of a Warrior, Trauma, Treating PTSD, Veterans, War | Comments Off
by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D
It was something I was not going to do – view the HBO special War Torn.
I tried watching it almost two months ago but didn’t last ten minutes before I had to turn off the DVD. It had too many reminders of suffering associated with the aftermath of combat. Yet, last night I decided to see what it had to say about PTSD, since this has been our mission for the last twelve years – including research & writing.
Throughout the movie there seemed to be a very powerful, recurring theme, a theme of silence. Silence made the veteran a prisoner of his/her own memories. It did not matter what branch of the military a person served – Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force, National Guard…
The role one played during combat was quite expansive, overwhelming individuals who served in all facets of war. From the front lines of combat, to medics, nurses, body baggers, and any person who had participated in the tensions of war. What was similar, however, was the manner in which the experiences were seared on the mind, body, and spirit. This mark of trauma often left the individual with a sense of hopelessness, apprehension, torment, and sometimes shame.
Then, to add insult to injury, when the vet came home… home to a place that he/she would feel safe and normal, returning to civilian life sometimes added greater stress. Many family members and friends simply wanted the vet to be like he was before he left for war. Become normal again.
Perhaps these words might offer some understanding of what isn’t talked about and isn’t said when a war veteran returns home.
THINGS YOU DON‘T TALK ABOUT
By Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D.
What don’t you talk about,
You survivors of war?
You, who are suppose to be brave,
To be fearless and bold.
You, who have witnessed the best of mankind,
And the worst.
You, who daily endured death;
Who lived with the unknown
The woundedness of others
And the scars within yourself.
What don’t you talk about,
You warriors of battles recent and old?
The panic attacks that grip your throat,
The night sweats from vivid dreams;
Anxieties that propel you to a universe
That seems out of control.
Anger unprovoked and dangerously destructive.
The self-medication… attempts to silence
The voices and erase the gory scenes.
What don’t you talk about
You, who cry with Silent Screams?
You, who cannot seem to find your words,
For words are too simple, too clean
To describe your distress
To others who have no concept of war.
For what you don’t talk about
Your brother and sister warriors understand.
They have been to that place of darkness.
They know – and in that knowing
They are there to walk beside you
If only in spirit.
Perhaps these fellow casualties
Make talk a bit less necessary.
May
29
Memorial Day Remembrance
Filed Under American Patriotism, Combat PTSD, Memorial Day, Tears of a Warrior, War | Comments Off
Remembering All Who Gave Their Lives For Their Country!
A special tribute to a Marine:
http://00f2630.netsolhost.com/farewellmarine.html
May
28
THANK YOU FOR SERVING
Filed Under American Patriotism, Dogs, Events, Memorial Day, PTSD, PTSD treatment, Tears of a Warrior, Veterans, War, Wisdom | Comments Off
by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D
Such a simple phrase stated on too few occasions by too few individuals.
During our travels we get opportunities to visit some special places that offer discounts or free admission to veterans. Most of the time people are pretty gracious. Then there are those situations where the “keeper of the gate” are, in my opinion, just plain ignorant on how to treat veterans.
We have heard stories over and over again on this topic. Some are quite sad, while others are pretty darn funny. On one recent occasion we were visiting a National Park. Tony was asked to show the gatekeeper his driver’s license along with other proof of identity. He had already given her his National Park’s Access Pass for Disabled Vets along with his VA Identification card with picture and signature. Animals with embedded ID’s aren’t scrutinized as rigidly. After all the ID confirmations, she could clearly see he had more than provided adequate identification, yet she still insisted on seeing his driver’s license and two other forms of identification with his signature on it.
This scenario that was absurdly comical. Yet, another part was perfectly annoying. After we jumped through the “gate keeper’s” hoops, we moved forward. Only later after driving several miles down the road did I think of the perfect reply. The next time (and there will be a next time) we’re asked to wiggle through silly bureaucratic hoops, when they are finished with their requests, I am going to respond kindly with the following:
You really meant to say: “Welcome Home and Thank You for Your Service.”
I must admit it will be a bit amusing to see the reaction.
Memorial Day is a time to give recognition and say a prayer of gratitude for all who have paid the supreme sacrifice for serving their country. We should never forget.
All our military personnel and veterans are our quiet role models and noble heroes.
These deserve our respect.
FREEDOM IS NOT FREE.
Apr
19
THE POWER OF ONE
Filed Under Combat PTSD, Tears of a Warrior, War | Comments Off
by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D
The title is not totally mine. It was taken from the book which tells the story about the life of a young boy’s quest to become a champion boxer. The journey is one of trauma, discrimination, and blessings. Its moral defines the force of relentless belief in a goal; a goal that impacts not merely the individual, but the larger world. Such ambition would require determination, persistence, courage, goodness, and an immense sense of faith even when walking through absolute darkness.
The Power of One refers to the mind which is the real athlete who primes the body to perform. It is the mind which keeps the individual stable as life becomes fragile. Like walking a tight rope over a raging river gorge, the mind works to convince the body that it is safe even when every nerve cell signals, “You must be kidding”. If you think about what is below the wire your focus will be on falling not on moving forward. So many disturbances fight to invade your concentration, and this is a most dangerous part of trauma… when you lose sight of what you want in your life and accept what you don’t want.
Trauma has its own unique composition. That structure, like any challenging illness, can be incredibly complex. It takes the whole of the person to succeed when all you want to do is give in and give up. The numerous types of events that can cause trauma, the support one receives after the event(s), the person’s internal strength and optimism, all contribute to the trauma’s set of symptoms. No two people’s puzzles are identical, because no two lives are exactly the same.
For every vet and his/her extended family, healing and moving forward will certainly take the Power of One, and that One is YOU! Trust in you own untried capacity (Ella Wilcox). Every day believe YOU are strong enough to make this journey, humble enough to seek help when needed, and gritty enough to succeed.
Mar
25
LOST IN WAR
Filed Under Tears of a Warrior, Today's War, Trauma, War | Comments Off
by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D
In our book, “Tears of a Warrior: A Family’s Story of Combat and Living with PTSD “, one chapter talks about the “Humpty-Dumpty Effect”. Most people know the children’s nursery rhyme where the poor egg falls off a wall and breaks into numerous pieces that can’t be put back together again. For a veteran, war can be the culprit that pushed Mr. Dumpty off his perch. In our civilian culture we might try and sue for all a person is worth, however in war there are too many different elements to specifically place the blame of a broken body.
The underlying analogy of Humpty-Dumpty is what he lost when he fell and cracked his inner and outer shell. The major damage may be a lost sense of wholeness. One goes into combat young and feeling invincible and often returns in pieces. Pieces when put back will take super gorilla glue to hold together, while some pieces many not mend regardless of the care applied.
Searching for those lost pieces may become a never-ending journey. Putting back the broken eggshells of the body, mind, and heart can be a life-time challenge. The delicate part of the process occurs unexpectedly when hidden memories, ghosts of conflict, and unresolved grief overtake Humpty and rescrambles his being, again and again. It can be a daily occurrence for many vets and their families, and sometimes, in attempting to put the pieces back, we run out of glue.
Finding what was lost in war may be a pointless pursuit, like looking for a coin in a vast sea of sand and rock after it has fallen off a steep cliff. One will never fully retrieve his/her sense of innocence. He will never regain that youthful sense of invincibility known prior to combat. She will never view the world like she did before looking at scenes of devastation, death, and the severely wounded. The security of childhood has been turned into the reality of a sometimes cruel and inhumane world. A world that is different for the veteran than for people back home who have never witnessed war’s bluntness.
Perhaps Humpty may never retrieve or replace his lost pieces or restore the wholeness that existed before war. Yet, being pasted back may bring together a renewed sense of purpose and personal aspirations. Mosaic eggs have their own unique beauty. A beauty that cannot be replicated for each section of the egg is placed in a distinct part of what was once a solid structure. With enough care and support, the shell can once again become sturdy and uniquely whole. As for me, while I am using the sticky stuff, I think I will put a generous sprinkle of glitter and gold that will enable the sunlight to reflect the new dimensions of the outer and inner egg shell.
Maybe our veterans’ youthful wholeness was lost. We will surely grieve its purity. Yet, do not refrain from celebrating the physical and emotional strength of the new Humpty-Dumpty. He, in his full glory, is not lost, only remolded into something with greater substance, courage, compassion, and hopefully a whole lot of sparkle.
Feb
22
Community Event
Filed Under American Patriotism, Human Rights, PTSD treatment, Tears of a Warrior, War | 2 Comments
Thought you may be interested to know the Richfield, MN Human Rights Commission is using our book for a community event.
We are very please to learn that “Tears of a Warrior” is generating interest from the general public!
Click on website:
http://www.startribune.com/local/west/116500038.html