Dec
12
HO, HO, OH CRAP
Filed Under Christmas, Tears of a Warrior | Comments Off
by Janet J. Seahorn
It’s hard to believe that Christmas is only a few weeks away. The carols are blaring on many radio stations, decorations in stores have been up way before we killed the Thanksgiving turkey, and advertisement to buy what will put you in the poor house are everywhere making one ask after a purchase, “Why the ### did I buy that” and then “How in the ### will I pay for it”. If one isn’t careful, Christmas can increase PTSD and not just in military vets.
When reading through a list of Post-Traumatic Stress indicators I got to reflecting on how many can be aggravated by the holidays. Therefore, instead of making a Christmas list for Santa, I thought it would be far more attention-grabbing to create a list of PTSD Christmas triggers.
- 1. Easily startled – I couldn’t possibly cover all of these but a few could occur with all the bells tingling, unfriendly Santas, and way tooooo many loud people.
- 2. Easily upset – for Tony a short trip to any shopping center quickly attains this mark.
- 3. Feeling tense or anxious – do I really need to explain this one, really? $$$ worries, memories of unpleasant holidays during combat, too much outside stimulation that no one can control.
- 4. Problems maintaining attention or concentrating – advertisers only need you to remain focused for thirty seconds… long enough to give them your credit card.
- 5. Feeling disorganized – WHO DOESN’T at this time of year?
- 6. Nightmares – and these may not be about combat. Think of the songs we hear that aren’t all that cheery like, Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer, any chipmunk song, and if I hear The Twelve Days of Christmas even once I will go bonkers!
- 7. Experience sudden mood swings – Are you kidding; listen to a sad song, watch a funny commercial, open your bundle of bills… most of us are somewhat emotional challenged during this time of year and PTSD only makes it more FUN!
- 8. Hard time dealing with stressful situations – everything is stressful and the only remedy is visit Mother Nature often, stay home and read a good book, or take a Rip Van Winkle nap until January 15th.
- 9. Feeling tired, stomachaches, headaches, aches, aches, and more aches… – have you ever put up a 16 foot Christmas tree, put together some special present that takes an engineering degree to properly assemble, try to learn how to use your new piece of technology… my stomach is already beginning to cringe just writing this section.
Now that you are thoroughly depressed, here’s the good news. The Holiday Season can be a beautiful, inspiring time of year, yet only if we intentional focus our attention on what is important and worthwhile in our lives. Things like family, friends, good health, personal freedoms, loving relationships and adoring four legged companions. Many times if we focus on helping another being some of our worries and aches disappear for a bit and we experience the true meaning and joy of the coming days. So let us welcome back our Ho, Hos, and get rid of the CRAP. Happy, Happy, Happy Holidays to everyone.
Nov
23
WHAT TO DO ABOUT THE HOLIDAYS…
Filed Under Christmas, Family, Holiday Season, Tears of a Warrior | Comments Off
by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D
It is time to begin a new Holiday Season. Dang, some stores started playing their carols, displaying Christmas ornaments, and advertising the grandness of spending oneself into shopping debt even before Halloween! I truly expected someone dressed as a reindeer or elf to ring my doorbell for trick or treat.
Now, don’t get me wrong I love Christmas. Really! It is my favorite holiday. Almost everything about it is a special time filled with amazing sights, fragrant smells of evergreen trees, bells, carols, and my list goes on and on. I even enjoy buying a few gifts for family and friends, and I make sure that Tony NEVER accompanies me on these shopping excursions. The Grinch is one of his Christmas heroes which, as you can imagine, puts a huge damper on my jolly shopping expeditions.
Therefore, as we begin this new 2011 Holiday Season, I thought I would put down a few ideas of how to survive the coming days.
- Begin your new Weight Watchers diet. Watch others eat less and lose while you wait and enjoy every morsel of goodies you can grab. As military veterans, you had far too many C-Rations or MREs to endure food rations now.
- Don’t start off on the wrong foot at Thanksgiving, give away leftover turkey and celery to guests, but keep the pumpkin pie at all cost.
- If you have to ask for seconds, you are already sitting at the wrong table.
- If you are the wife of an anti-shopping Grinch, pray for them daily. We’re still a month until Christmas. You can even offer to share your Prozac if they become overly anxious during this joyous (hectic) time of year.
- If you are the Grinch, breath deep, meditate, and appreciate that the Holiday season only comes once a year, even if it seems to be coming earlier each year.
- And, last, if you are worried about excessive shopping and overspending, the banks don’t seem to care if anyone follows a budget anymore, so I’m sure they will extend your credit for say, the next thirty years.
Seriously, I definitely understand the challenges of trying to negotiate the many pitfalls and stimulations of the Holidays and not just for veterans. For many, it is never an easy time of year, which is the reason why I decided to begin this season’s blog with a bit of humor. Some of us are going to need to store up as much hilarity as possible if we are to survive the absurdity ahead.
You see, I am really, really, really trying to stay on Santa’s “Nice” list.
Dec
22
SIMPLE BLESSING
Filed Under American Patriotism, Christmas, Giving, Holidays, Joy Challenge, Life, Love, Tears of a Warrior | Comments Off
by Janet & Tony Seahorn
It is almost Christmas, a few days left until we celebrate the special event that people around the world have been doing for centuries. Some of us know this occasion as the birth of Jesus. Some call it the “thank goodness the shopping is over season”. And some simply hope the day passes as quickly as possible, overwhelmed by the season of consumerism.
Weeks ago we put out to our readers an opportunity to do something for themselves and others. To do something that would calm the spirit, or an act that would make a difference for someone else. We promised to share a few comments from our readers. I learned something from this experience. Veterans fight courageously, suffer silently, and strive for goodness every day. Here are a few we received.
One veteran’s wife wrote that her husband’s close friend had suffered a serious accident and has been in a coma in the ICU burn unit since mid November. Her husband and several other Vietnam Vets have taken turns twice a week spending the night at the hospital to relieve the wife and family. They watch as their friend “continues to fight ‘awareness’, flailing arms, legs, head, and not opening eyes or focusing. We can only imagine what is going on inside his head, the thoughts, flashbacks of Nam, the unwillingness to come to”, she recounts. Their involvedness has caused her husband and the others to have their own ghosts emerge - burn centers and trauma is a trigger to their days in Nam. Now they also take time to reflect on their blessing.
My brother John wrote: Let us start that list with our name at the top because if one cannot make themselves happy first, then how can we make anyone else happy. Second on the list has to be my best friend and companion Wyatt, my lab retriever. A prayer John uses every morning is “GOD HELP ME WALK WORTHILY THIS DAY SO THAT WHEN I LIE DOWN AT NIGHT I WILL NOT BE ASHAMED”. Then I thank HIM every night for everything that happened that day.
Others discussed how they had written a letter to a family member. Some of the letters were sent to tell a particular person how much his/her presence in life has meant. How by simply being present provided a sense of belonging and safety. Others wrote to ask for another chance, a chance for redemption, a chance to help the estranged person understand the long and difficult journey the writer has endured. Perhaps, after years of alienation, there will be forgiveness, compassion, and a better understanding of each individual’s existence. Possibly a miracle may happen and relationships may begin to heal. At any rate, it is more important that the effort was made.
The last one we will share tells of how a veteran and his wife were in a grocery store when they noticed two nuns shopping. The nuns would pick up an article, look at the price tag, then put it back on the shelf. Obviously, he writes, they could not afford much. As the man was checking out, he kept his eyes on the nuns. When their bill came up, he walked over and told the cashier he was paying for their items. Needless to say, the ladies were both surprised and quite grateful. He is now a part of their prayers. What was most important, he writes,
“At the end of the day I took the challenge and went out with my wife and helped somebody.
Taking the initiative to help others made me feel good about myself”.
Thank you again for sharing your stories. We hope that your season has been healthier and happier. We know for certain each of you reading this Christmas message has made a difference for others. You are simply a blessing for many, and you deserve an abundance of Simple Blessings.
Dec
9
DO YOU SEE WHAT I SEE
Filed Under Christmas, Combat PTSD, Life, Love, Peace, Tears of a Warrior | 1 Comment
by Janet J. Seahorn
A favorite Christmas carol asks the questions, “Do You See What I See”? “Do you hear what I hear?” “Do you know what I know?” During this holiday season, where many do not feel so holy; where many do not hear the sounds of joy that carols bring and angels sing; where many have yet to believe that good still exists, perhaps there is a message of gentleness if we are strong enough to trust.
Yes, I realize I am an optimist. Truly, it is one of my best qualities, besides a distorted sense of humor. There would be no “today” for me if these gifts were not part of my being. I am pretty certain I would have given up a long time ago for that choice certainly seemed easier. Yet, I’ve always known giving up wasn’t an option or a model I wanted to give others, especially my sons.
So, what do you see? In this challenging world of war, political disgust, and self-centeredness there are abundant examples of crap. But look around. Beauty is, also, everywhere – in the face of an innocent child, in the brilliance of holiday lights; in the fresh whiteness of snow… it exists if we look. On my refrigerator I have a post-it-note that says, “Focus on the possibilities, not the limitations”. It is life-saving advice.
Next, what do you hear? Undoubtedly I hear the weeping of those in pain both physical and mental. Those who have experienced inconceivable loss. Those who live with the memories of combat past and present. Those who are challenged by sickness. Physical aches are difficult, but emotional wounds are far more exhausting, for emotional pains are the ones others cannot see or hear. These are the silent screams of the soul, and they demand a great deal more stamina. Often these cries seem to overpower the humanity of our being. Such times will demand we listen for what is decent and soothing; a breeze rustling in the leafless trees, a favorite song, a small child giggling over a ringing silver bell, or the quiet gaze of love that says more loudly than any words… we are cared for more than we can imagine.
What do you believe? Do you believe in the seen or what is unseen? Believing is a choice. As a scientist I rely on hard, quantifiable data to answer research questions. However, the world’s most noteworthy gifts cannot be counted or even proven. Gifts such as goodness, love, and miracles are beyond the “proofs” of men, yet they exist. One cannot measure honesty; he cannot measure wonder, nor is he capable of determining the reality of love. Yet, these exist. These are the staples of our days. They allow us to continue living in spite of our frustrations and grief. They are more powerful than any pill, any counseling program, or any doubts.
As you move through your sometimes difficult days, focus on the good things you see; listen for what soothes your heart; believe in your personal power and the vast energies of good which are still present in our lives. And believe, “what is needed is on its way, right now”!
Look, listen, Believe.
Nov
28
THE JOY CHALLENGE
Filed Under Christmas, Combat PTSD, Family, Joy Challenge, Peace, Tears of a Warrior | 3 Comments
by Janet & Tony Seahorn
It is a bit sad to think of celebrations as a “thing” to “get through”.
Unfortunately, for many people suffering from trauma and loss, that is precisely the case. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving with family and friends. Dinner was scrumptious with tasty fares of turkey, dressing, creamy mashed potatoes, and several great desserts. Laughter was abundant.
Yet, for Tony, the noise, the larger number of people – it was only nine of us total – found it still an effort to make it through the day. After dinner, when we all were playing games, he retired to a quieter room to watch football and relax. Our sons would go down to chat, but it wasn’t the same as having him join us in the fun. After everyone left, Tony felt the familiar pangs of sadness and guilt. He wanted so much to spend more time with everyone, but simply could not manage it. Trauma squeezes an excessive sum of happiness from folks. It is the thief who continually keeps on taking and taking and taking. Unlike the Grinch who stole Christmas, this silent bandit never gives anything back.
It is heartbreaking to watch the joy of this beautiful season being weakened by suffering. Therefore, I am sending forth a challenge to each of our readers; a challenge that may take some real effort each day. This may be a test that will demand some thought and determination if it is to be successful. But most of all, this challenge will only be taken on by those who really do want extra joy in their coming days.
For most us when we are feeling a bit down we have to put forth special attempts to look for the joy around us. At other times, usually when things appear to be quite desperate, we will have to create joy. Normally, the only way we are successful in creating joy is do something joyful for someone else.
To begin this challenge, make a list of things that make you happy, a clumsy puppy, your mates smile, a quiet walk along your favorite path… Whatever it is write it down, then paste a copy on your refrigerator and your bathroom mirror – for obvious reasonsJ
Now, for the next four weeks take time each day to achieve at least ONE thing on your list. If you are absent minded like me, put a mark on the calendar that you made your JOY commitment for the day. Look around carefully, where do you notice someone in need of assistance? Perhaps this is your chance to CREATE joy, doing something for someone else. Taking an action that may take a bit of a burden from a family or person in need. Golly, these are acts that a Grinch would detest, because bandits can’t steal what is being given from the heart.
Finally, and I very much hope Tony and I hear from many of you, sometime before Christmas send us a short message to let us know if this challenge made your holiday season a bit better this year.
If you did perform an “act of kindness”, we would love to hear about that too. In our Christmas week blog we will be a sharing the messages we receive. Do something special this season, take this Joy Challenge.
In doing so, remember this quote by Charles D. Gill,
“Believe that you make a difference. There are many wonderful things that will never be done if you do not do them”.
We wish you twenty-five days of amazing goodness. May this season bring you the joy you so richly deserve.
Seasons Greetings
Dec
23
Twelve Days of Christmas Military Style
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-by Janet J. Seahorn
Wow, this is our last blog before Christmas as 2009 comes to an end. There is so much for which to be thankful, and yet, much left to be done in mending the bodies, hearts, and minds of the many individuals who served our country, past and present. Therefore, I thought I’d put together a humorous version of why the “Twelve Days of Christmas” could really irritate the heck out of anyone suffering with PTSD.
Day One: A Partridge in a Pear Tree. Who in the heck cares about a partridge in pear tree?
Day Two: Two turtle doves — Now these can be very helpful with their soothing cooing. I just love turtle doves.
Day Three: Three French Hens – Great for a family barbecue.
Day Four: Four Calling Birds — Exactly, what is a “Calling Bird”? For someone challenged with PTSD, all that noise can be a little disconcerting.
Day Five: Five Golden Rings — This would be a great Christmas bonus from Uncle Sam for services rendered above and beyond the call of duty.
Day Six: Six Geese a Laying — Unless these geese are laying Golden Eggs, they go on the barbecue with the Three French Hens. You can then feed your entire neighborhood.
Day Seven: Seven Swans a Swimming — Since I happen to like swans and their awesome beauty, they would be a great addition to any backyard, given one has enough acreage to build a pretty big pond paid for by the Five Golden Rings.
Day Eight: Eight Maids a Milking — You know, I am not even going to touch this one…
Day Nine: Nine Ladies Dancing — See above. What is so interesting about the “Twelve Days” is the move from a lot of birds to a lot of women. Go figure.
Day Ten: Ten Lords a Leaping — Military serving in Afghanistan know about this one.
Day Eleven: Eleven Pipers Piping — Add these to all the birds and you have a true recipe for a disturbing and irritating experience.
Day Twelve: Twelve Drummers Drumming — Wow, if you didn’t lose it with the birds plus the Leaping Lords, and the Piping Pipers, you will now.
In all seriousness, we wish you and your loved ones a blessed Holiday and a New Year filled with good health and happiness. You deserve it.
Dec
8
A Different Christmas Poem
Filed Under American Patriotism, Christmas, Life, Today's War | 1 Comment
by Michael Marks
The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.
Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.
The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.
My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.
The sound wasn’t loud, and it wasn’t too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn’t quite know,
Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.
My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.
Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.
A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.
“What are you doing?” I asked without fear,
“Come in this moment, it’s freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!”
For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts..
To the window that danced with a warm fire’s light
Then he sighed and he said “Its really all right,
I’m out here by choice. I’m here every night.”
“It’s my duty to stand at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest of times.
No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I’m proud to stand here like my fathers before me.
My Gramps died at ‘ Pearl on a day in December,”
Then he sighed, “That’s a Christmas ‘Gram always remembers.”
My dad stood his watch in the jungles of ‘ Nam ‘,
And now it is my turn and so, here I am.
I’ve not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures, he’s sure got her smile.
Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red, white, and blue… an American flag.
“I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home.
I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.
I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother..
Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall.”
“So go back inside,” he said, “harbor no fright,
Your family is waiting and I’ll be all right.”
“But isn’t there something I can do, at the least,
“Give you money,” I asked, “or prepare you a feast?
It seems all too little for all that you’ve done, For
being away from your wife and your son.”
Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret, “
Just tell us you love us, and never forget.
To fight for our rights back at home while we’re gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.
For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled.
Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us.
Please, would you do me the kind favor of sending this to as many people as you can? Christmas will be coming soon and some credit is due to our U.S service men and women for our being able to celebrate these festivities. Let’s try in this small way to pay a tiny bit of what we owe. Make people stop and think of our heroes, living and dead, who sacrificed themselves for us.
LCDR Jeff Giles, SC, USN
30th Naval Construction Regiment
OIC, Logistics Cell One